


Where the Line Blurs

by theirresitibleones



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Action/Adventure, Avengers - Freeform, Betrayal, F/M, Friendship, Hydra (Marvel), Love/Hate, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Romance, SHIELD, Sarcasm, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-10
Updated: 2017-11-27
Packaged: 2018-02-16 21:36:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 43,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2285295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theirresitibleones/pseuds/theirresitibleones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Y/N, a reformed mercenary who worked as a SHIELD operative, is asked to rejoin S.H.I.E.L.D. she has her own agenda, find the people who betrayed her and eliminate them.  With a special request of Agent Coulson she teams up with an unsuspecting Steve Rodgers, who does not fully understand the lengths this newly emerged Hydra will go to. Y/N and Steve clash due to their different perspective to handle their enemies. With a few coveted secrets of her own Y/N begins to see the appeal Captain America has and opens up. However, when Y/N discovers a traitor nestling their way into the reborn S.H.I.E.L.D agency she brings the news to the attention  Steve, Sam, Natasha and Clint only to discover that they believe she is the traitor. Y/N takes it upon herself to rid S.H.I.E.L.D of the last of Hydra so she returns to her mercenary identity to infiltrate Hyrda. As the spy game wears on the only thing to be called to question is where the line blurs while the war between corruption and freedom wears on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Where the Line Blurs: The Burglar

**Y/N's POV**    

 

Since getting out of my car felt the alarms go off in my head to signal something was off. As I made my way to my front door I glanced around and took note how quiet the street was. It was as if someone had stopped by to clear them. I. I opened the door to my condo and pulled my gun out from behind me noticing my land line was no longer in the outlet next to the end table in the entry way but ripped out of the wall. Silently I put down my backpack and I stalked into the living room with my gun drawn.

I noticed a figure sitting in my living room by seeing his shadow on the wall behind him. “You make one wrong move I will drop your body where you sit. Who are you and why are you here?” I asked the figure that sat in the chair across from me. Moving myself into me pre-practiced position in case this scenario arose.

 

“Agent Y/L/N.” A masculine voice a recognized said. “That would be abundantly rude since I am your boss.”

 

You had got to be kidding me! Of all the people to break into my house it had to be this asshole. “Jesus. You do realize I was going kill you, right Coulson?” I lowered my gun away from his head. “And for the record you are not my boss. Never were. Besides there is no S.H.I.E.L.D. Remember?”

 

He chuckled. “I hope you don’t mind I grabbed a drink. ”

 

I nodded and slipped my gun back in its sheath before taking a seat on my couch opposite of him. “No. You never answered the why Coulson. What do you want?” I felt my irradiation spike at the fact that he made himself at home. Offering a drink to me in my own house? I tapped down on the urge to roll my eyes and focused on getting the reason why he was in my house.

 

He smiled. “I was wondering if you wanted to join S.H.I.E.L.D. again. We are rebuilding and could use someone with your skill set.”

 

I laughed. I was the last person on earth Coulson would trust. “Romanof, too busy?” I joked relaxing against my couch and closing my eyes. This had to be a joke.

 

“Didn’t offer her a position, she’s too much of a loose cannon.” He joked back. “She’s currently busy with cleaning up her own mess after the Hydra scandal.

 

I opened one eye to look at him. “And I am not?” I sat thinking back on how we meet. “I was a bloody mercenary Coulson at least Natasha was a spy. I’ve got my own battle to fight.” I say darkly. What exactly was this man playing at? I knew with the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D that Fury had given him the reins and told him to rebuild. Why would he want me to join?

 

He nodded at the acknowledgement of my past. “You’re not alone Y/N.

 

I shook my head at him. No one seemed to understand that while Natasha poured out the secrets of Hydra and S.H.E.I.L.D she also opened a tunnel that went straight to hell. A hell I left years ago. A hell I had spent years running from and somehow when I saw the light I was ripped back into the darkness.“ I did things I could live with and they weren’t always good things. Knowing the world knows s-“

 

“Exactly the reason I am offering you the job. You don’t always do the good thing Y/N. You make a call and choose what you believe is right.” He said standing and heading towards my front door. “Let me know your decision soon and thanks for the drink Y/N.” He said as he walked out of my living room.

 

I groaned and glanced around me I was definitely not ready to be pitted against Hydra but I wasn’t one to sit idly by. If there was going to be a war against Hydra I was going to need to be prepared. “I’ll take the job on a couple conditions.” I shouted at Coulson. This was not going to end well. I thought to myself.

 

“Brief is on the kitchen counter.” I heard his voice approaching the back of the couch.

 

I laughed. “I figured but I still have some conditions.” I stood from my spot on the couch and turned towards him. If I was willingly going to climb into the Hydra rabbit hole I was going to do it on my terms.

 

Coulson extended his arm and extracted another file. “You want to know what happened to Rumlow.”

 

“Yes.” I said knowing that was only one of the things I wanted to know. I needed to know what happened to the bastard but that was not the only thing I wanted intelligence on.

 

“Why?” He said handing me the file the thick file.

 

I quirked an eyebrow at him, “We go back Coulson. We-Have a very complicated history.” I said choosing my choice of words carefully. No way in hell I was going to tell him how much I knew about Rumlow that would be dangerous.

 

Coulson narrowed his eyes at me. “Did you kn-“

 

I gave him a small smile. “Know Hydra was in S.H.I.E.L.D. and running the place? No, but I did know they were still around.” I say honestly to him. I was not stupid, that was one of the reason I was a world class mercenary. I was perceptive and usually more intelligent than those that I went up against.

 

Coulson stared at me in shock.

 

I inwardly smirked at the stunned expression on his face. “Don’t look so shocked. I was trained at the time by what I thought were mercenaries. Turns out it was Hydra.”

 

“Why didn’t yo-“

 

“I was a kid when I was trained just like Romanoff the only differences between us is that I am American and I got paid to do the jobs I took. I walked away when a lot of other people didn’t. ” I say in a flat voice. “By the time I put the pieces together it was too late.” That much was true but it was not like I knew who was Hydra or who was S.H.I.E.L.D so I could not tell any one.

 

“Did Fury know that they trained you?” He asked carefully while watching me read some of Rumlow’s file

I shrugged. “Not my place to say so you’ll have to ask him that yourself.”

 

“He’s de-“

 

I laughed opening the file up. “I know he’s not. I’ve seen him.” I say watching his face.

 

Coulson sighed and seemed confused by my words. “Why would he come see you? Why are you so curious about Rumlow? Are you working for Hydra?”

 

I glanced up at him. “ First off Fury came to see me because he trusts me. He made the decision for me to join S.H.I.E.L.D. Second I’m curious because Rumlow works for Hydra still and for a time he was my friend.” I said while returning my gaze at the file in my hands and began to skim the pages. “He just disappeared from the hospital? No one was guarding him? Shouldn’t he have been on the FBI’s and the CIA’s most wanted list?” I questioned him.

 

Coulson shrugged. “Hydra apparently believes that he is still an asset. Hydra must have extracted him“

 

I glanced at the photographs inside of the file. He was burnt from head to toe. He would either have had to have extensive surgery or robotics just to be able to have some sort of motor activity. “Jesus. Well I guess vanity will no longer be an issue for him.”

 

“Y/N…” Coulson said reaching for the file.

 

“I appreciate the file Coulson. Any clue where the winter soldier is?” I said guardedly. No way in hell was I going to show this man my cards. From the last ten minutes I picked up on the signals that I was not trusted the only question was why did he not trust me?

 

Coulson narrowed his eyes at me in suspicion. “The wh-“

 

“You and I both know what I am talking about, sorry it’s more of a who.” The man was not going to pull one over on me no matter how hard he tried.

 

“No. My turn how do you know about him?” Coulson menaced.

 

I gave him a bitter smile. “We also have a history. Let me know what you get on him.” I said while rolling my shoulders. “Thanks for the file and I’ll read the brief and meet you at the address. I’m sure you know the way out. Have a good night Coulson.” I said before heading to my kitchen for a drink before Coulson could bother to ask me more questions.

 

As I heard the door behind me close I made my way to my bed room. Agent Coulson was definitely not the one who cut the line. Pulling my gun out for the second time I swung up my bedroom door and saw a trail of blood. Holy shit. Putting my gun away I followed the trail to my bathroom to find the slumped form of one of my only friends who I wasn’t sure would remember me or not.

 

I knelt down only to see him lift his head to look at me. I froze seeing how worn he was but I suppose this is what happens when Hydra controls you. I moved closer but was far enough away should he feel like he had been cornered. “Do you know who I am?” I asked softly.

 

The once controlled blue eyes seemed to moisten at my words. “Y/N…”

 

Holy shit! He remembered my name. I stood there stunned.

 

He let out a raspy chuckle. “Don’t look so surprised. You’re the only person I trust. Your friend leave?” He adjusted his body to give me a full view of the ragged scars that graced his body.

 

I gasped at how bad he looked. What the hell happened to him after DC? “Good to see you’re in good spirits. For your information, he is not my friend. Since you know who I am do you know who you are?” I asked carefully going to the bathroom counter to get the medical supplies. Tread carefully, I scolded myself, no need to scare him off.

 

“Bucky.” He chuckles again. “I know who I am Y/N. Glimpse of who I was but I know who I am now.”

 

I sighed as I continued grabbing stuff to patch him up with. “Then why come to me? You could go to-” I questioned but stop. Steve would kill me if he knew Bucky was here. Then again Steve Rogers and I never really saw eye to eye.

 

He sticks out his metal arm for me to take. “You know me. He knew me there is a large difference.”

 

I shook my head and grabbed my basket full of supplies and put my hand in his. “Bu-“

 

“Don’t. You helped me when no one else did. You almost died for me. You know both sides of me in a way he doesn’t, and wouldn’t understand.” He said coldly.

 

“You’re the only person I trust too.” I said giving him a smile. Kneeling down I made quick work of the deep wounds. “How much do you remember?” I asked while cleansing the wounds out.

 

He leaned his head back against the tub. “Bits and pieces before I meet you but I at least remember the last ten years, or the parts I wasn’t froze.” He sighed. “The thi-“

 

I stopped stitching a deep wound on his shoulder and put my hand on his cheek. “Don’t. They were in your head. They used your skills against you Buck. Whatever happened, what they made you do, that’s on them not you.” I say before returning to patching him up.

 

He chuckled. “You know I thought there was another reason I came to see you.”

 

I laughed as I finished stitching up the last deep gash. “Glad you find this funny, all done there Frankenstein.”

 

I stood up. “Your arms damaged.” I said nonchalantly.

 

He groaned. “Sucks that the only people who can fix it I’m on the run from.” He says giving me a ghost smile.

 

I laughed before putting away all of the medical supplies. “That’s not entirely true.”

 

I said as I leaned against the counter.

 

He quirked his eyebrow at me before wincing in pain, “What do you mean?”

 

“You remember Prague?” I asked.

 

“Yeah…My arm was pretty busted so the mission was aborted and you screamed at the scientist for not teaching you how to fix It because it was such a waste of your time. I also distinctly remember you saying you didn’t get paid enough for this shit.” His eyes went dark as if he remembered something. “They taught you how to fix it.”

 

“ Good thing. I have a kit, which is pretty high tech if you ask me, that will let me do it.” I said ignoring his look of anger. “And stop looking at me like that. I can’t change what happened. Besides, I wouldn’t want to anyway.”

 

“They almost killed you. Yo-“

 

I walked out of the bathroom ignoring his rant about what Hydra almost did. “They didn’t.” As I retrieved my kit I felt his eyes on me. “Buc-“

 

“No Y/N. The-“

 

I rolled my eyes turning towards him. “They didn’t. Even when they wiped you they didn’t. No matter how many time I helped you escape. They couldn’t even get you to do it so stop looking at me like someone ran over your puppy.”

 

He growled at me.

 

I put my hand on my hip. “You don’t scare me.” I point out. It was comical since most espionage agencies were afraid of him since they dubbed the Winter Soldier including Nat and Barton. Not that any of them would know the truth about Bucky or my life, only the bits and pieces that have been circled around.

 

“I should.” He growls out at me.

 

I rolled my eyes. “You wouldn’t hurt me.”

 

“Yo-“

“Believe me I do. Even when wiped you still protected me. It’s what family does.” It was true Bucky in all the years we have known each other never hurt me. Well, except the time he threw me out the window, but he was excused since he saved my life by doing so. He protected me and I failed at protecting him but that was not something I wanted to think about at this point.

 

“You stayed because of me.” He sighed out slumping as he sat down on my bed. “You could have left long before.”

 

I opened my kit and began to look at the circuit areas of the arm. “I also left because of you. Buck someone’s got to save you.” That’s why I joined up with S.H.I.E.L.D I had to figure a way out to save the one thing that saved me year after year.

 

He laughed before extending his arm “Alright fix my arm. Then we sleep.”

 

“Good thing you’ll want the floor.” I joked.

 

He laughed. “Yeah your bed’s like sleeping on clouds.”

After fixing his arm. I closed the kit and stashed it back in its hiding place before turning back to Bucky.

He rotated his arm and rolled his shoulder to make sure the arm was functioning properly. He then stood and looked up at me. "You can't tell any one Y/N..."

I laughed before turning back around and grabbing some blankets and pillows from my closet. "I honestly don't have anyone to tell. You're my only friend Bucky."

He laughed before taking the blankets from my arms and laying them on the ground how he wanted. "Good."

I snorted throwing the pillow at his back. "Don't be a jackass."

He chuckled before retrieving the pillow and laid down on his make shift bed. "You wonder why I am your only friend."

I rolled my eyes before heading to my dress to slip my t-shirt on. Bucky seeing me change was nothing new, we were practically siblings, I stripped quickly and tugged on my shirt. I turned around to see Bucky dead asleep. I laughed to myself before crawling into my bed and falling asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own the Marvel characters. I do own the plot.
> 
> xoxo M


	2. Where the Line Blurs: Passing Judgements

**Y/N's POV**

Waking up I glanced over at the clock it was six am. I can not believe I was going to help Coulson. The man did not trust me but more importantly the man in charge did not either, in fact i am pretty sure that he hates me.

I groaned and rolled out of bed. Glancing at the floor I see Bucky still asleep. The man looked more peaceful than I have seen him in years.

I silently pad out of my bed room and to the kitchen to read the file that Coulson left. Flipping through I noticed the file was on some Rumlow’s group. Which makes sense on why Coulson willingly handed over Rumlow’s file, he simply thought it would help find him better. Or would trip me up enough to admit to having contact with him.

I chuckled to myself as I went to start my coffee Fury did train him well. However,  I was trained better and I knew Fury better than Coulson did. As I reviewed the file more I realized Coulson really was over his head considering he was a fugitive and was trying to help.

I read on the intel that Coulson was willing to share with me. I rolled my eyes at the heavily blacked out files. He made sure that the person the said information came from identity was concealed.  That sent the alarms in my head going off, something about the whole situation is off. Normally I would turn down such a heavily redacted mission because I needed to know exactly what I was getting into but because I knew there was questions of whether or not I was Hydra I needed to go. I needed to prove that he was wrong.

I sighed and poured two cups of coffee and set one down on the counter knowing Bucky was probably already awake. As soon as the cup touched the counter I heard foot steps. I glanced up over my cup from the file and shook my head. “You my friend need a hair cut.”

He growled at me. “You my friend shouldn’t speak. it is too damn early in the morning for conversation.”

  
I laughed. “You don’t scare me Barnes.”

  
He flipped me off before picking up his coffee. “So you say.”

  
I shook my head and turned my attention back to the file. It seemed like the operation was for abducting Hydra agents and pumping them for information. As I continued to read I could feel Bucky approach. I can feel him stiffen and know that he is disapproving. No one should go into a mission this blind.

  
“So you’re going to help?” He ask looking over my shoulder and analyzing the content.

  
I shrugged. “I don’t really have a choice. Besides I want answer of my own, for you and me.”

  
Bucky backed up and leaned against the other side of the counter. “I should ha-“

  
I groaned. Self-pity was not something Bucky should be wallowing in. I turned around to playfully glare at him. “Don’t even go there Barnes. You didn’t even know who the hell you were and I would bet all of my money that when you did remember they wiped you.” I said while quirking my eyebrow daring him to contradict me.

  
He through his hands up in defense, “Okay kitty put away your claws.” He said on a laugh while putting his hands up in surrender.

  
I grabbed the dish towel on the island and whipped it at him. “Shut it Barnes. I have to shower apparently I have somewhere to be in two hours.” I say heading towards the bathroom. “Eat whatever you want. Just don't burn done my kitchen.” I shouted at him.

  
“Thanks for the permission but I was going to anyway and I am going to ignore your insult.” He said through laughter.

  
I shook my head. After showering I quickly dressed in jeans, black t-shirt, and my S.H.I.E.L.D combat boots.I retrieved my gun from my dresser where I left it last night and headed back to my kitchen. It felt good knowing that he was going to be okay. I knew it would not be easy but leaving was the first step in full recovering, me being one of the many. Bucky was sitting at the island eating frozen Eggo pancakes I smirked remembering the first time he made it.

  
_*Flashback*_

  
_“Report.” A voice said._

  
_I rolled my eyes. “Seriously? We just got in place to take out the target which should arrive in two days. Anything else you need to know?” I say oozing sarcasm._  
_“Condition of the asset. Is he stable? Is he rem-”_

  
_I rolled my eyes again. “Alive.” I say eyeing the ‘winter soldier’ because they wiped him again and he was no longer the man I helped escape from Hydra upon occasion._

  
_“Listen her-“_

  
_“No you listen. You contacted me I do this my way. Now stop calling like a mother who just dropped her kid off at the first day of daycare. We will call you when it is hand-“ My rant was interrupted by the sound of smoke detectors going off. “What the fuck?”I shouted. “Call you when its handled.” I said before hanging up on his screams of what was going on._

  
_I quickly tossed my phone before running into the kitchen finding Bucky had set fire to the microwave. I bit back my laugh knowing this wasn’t my friend but Hyrda’s weapon so I knew laughing would anger him. I grabbed the fire extinguisher and put it out. I quickly chanced a glance at the him._

  
_“Not a word Y/N.” He said walking away._

  
_My jaw dropped he remembered who I was._

  
_*End Flashback*_

“Enjoying your pancakes?”

He glared at me. “It was one time.”

I laughed. It felt good to wake up knowing that he was finally free. “Which makes it all the more memorable.”

He grumbled something that sounded like ‘fuck you’ in between bites of his pancake.

I sighed I didn’t want to leave him in case they found him. Or in case I did not get to say goodbye.“ I have to go. I should be back some time tonight.” I said trying to sound nonchalant. “You can stay here to lay low.” I said heading towards the door.

“You will be back. Or I’m coming to get you.” He said making it more of a statement then a question.

I smiled to myself briefly, he was one of the only people who I knew would have my back without any questions or judgements. While I let a few other people in to know about my past I only trusted four people to protect me.

I turned and looked at him leaning in the door way. “I know. Stay safe Buck. I don’t think I could handle losing you again.” I said grabbing my backpack from were I tossed it last night.

He nodded. “You do the same.”

I opened the door and looked back at my friend. Bucky pushed off of the wall and headed towards me. He encased me into a hug. “Come back or I’m coming after you.”

“Promise?” I said circling my arms around his waist.

He nods and pulls away. “Always. No one saves me like you.” He says laughing.

I laughed with him and headed out to meet Coulson.

“Funny.” I replied.

“It’s a catchy song.” He said refer to me singing in the shower to One Direction.

I flipped him off and shut the door. I headed straight for my Audi. Smiling as I slid in being a mercenary defiantly had its perks. I took off to the location Coulson wrote on the file.

I approached the location that Coulson had in the file. It was a large abandon warehouse in the middle of nowhere, just so that nobody would find us or if they did we would be able to spot them from a long ways out. As I pulled up I noticed a lot of cars along with a few vans. I grabbed my backpack and headed into the warehouse to see a lot of people standing around a table, or near that table. Natasha, Maria, Coulson, and Sam was standing looking at me as I approached.

“Nice war room Coulson.” I said walking closer to the table.

“Y/L/N. Good to see you’re on time.”

I quirked my eyebrow at him. What was that supposed to mean? I was never late, ever when working for S.H.I.E.L.D. “Uh-huh.”

“Well. Well well.” A voice said from behind me. I laughed turning my head to look at the man the voice came from

“Barton. You still want a rematch?” I asked.

He through his arm around my shoulder, “I let you win.”

“Right….” I drawled out. I turned away from Barton and looked down at the plans laid out. “What exactly are we doing?”

I heard an deep sigh from behind me. I closed my eyes knowing exactly who it came from. Only one person had their back up that much to my face about my past. I groaned knowing what was going to come next.

“Now you did it Y/N. Grandpa’s going to give you a lecture.” Barton snickered in my ear before pulling away grinning and walking towards Maria.

“Did you even read the file? Coulson why is she here?” Rogers said.

“You wanted the best.” He said shrugging but I could tell that was not the only reason I was here but I held my tongue.

I rolled my eyes. I did not know why every one always thought he was so great. He was always cold towards me. I mean the guy was nice to look at but other than that I did not see what the whole deal was. “I know why I am here Rogers. I was referring to,” I motioned around me at the maps and papers on the table. “This. What is the game plan exactly?”

Steve gave me a pointed look.

I grind my teeth together, definitely not the same man as all the hype made him seem to be. To say we didn’t get along would be an understatement. There was just this…friction the lied between us. He didn’t trust me and that got on my nerves. It also annoyed me because I thought he was pretty decent looking.

“We found a couple of members and are going to collect them.” He said before going into detail and emphasizing that no one was to be killed just knocked out.

“Awe your confidence in my restraint is overwhelming.” I snorted out. I didn't kill that many people,the ones that I did  none of them were good.

Steve just stared at me with dead eyes.

I decided to just ignore him. “I see Rumlow’s not on the list. Still don’t know his whereabouts?” I asked glancing up at Coulson.

He cleared his throat and looked between Steve and I. “No, we were hoping you knew.”

I frowned. Damn, I knew that was coming. “Why would I know?”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Because you were friends.”

"Yes, we are pen pals Rogers." I rolled my eyes. I was getting real tired of Mr. Goody Toe-Shoes snarky attitude. “Friend’s not the word I would use Rogers.” I said coldly before turning back. He knew nothing about my past with Rumlow. Only two people in this room know the real past and it was not pretty.

Natasha cleared her throat. “Sharon says the CIA aren't having any luck either. The intel she gave us though should be solid at least for the next few hours.”

Ignoring the talk of snot nosed Carter I glanced back over the names my heart pounding. Bucky wasn’t on the list, which was odd because of the list of things that Hydra made him do. “Out of curiosity why the hell isn’t the Winter Soldier on this list? Shouldn't he be at the top?” I exclaimed as angrily as possible. Protecting Bucky was my priority until he trusted Steve.

I watched as they all froze. So they did know who he really was. Shit. Which meant they were looking for him. I also picked up on the exchange of looks that I was not on the need to know list.

Maria spoke first. “Not our problem. We have these guys to deal with first.”

Coulson nodded. “I don’t believe that will ever be of concern to you Y/N. You’re starting back on a lower level so your clearance won’t go that high any way.” He said which caused a ripple of nods from a few. Clint on the other hand looked pissed for me.

I quirked my eyebrow masking my anger, “Why is that?”

“You’re not trust able.”said Rogers shrugging. “Time to go.”

I was fuming but I held my tongue beating Rogers to a bloody pulp wouldn’t help my situation. “I need to gear up.” I said before heading to change. I took a deep breath as I entered the makeshift locker room and carefully put my backpack down. I needed to tread carefully I reminded myself as I put on my S.H.I.E.L.D uniform.  I stuffed my street clothes into my bag and zipped it. I sighed and pulled my hair back into a ponytail.

  
If I wasn’t trust able then why hire me? Guaranteed, I already knew that but having it voiced out loud by Steve just seemed to irk me.  I thought it over as I changed into a military version of a catsuit and strapped weapons on me. The answer was simple they thought I worked for Hydra so why not keep an eye on me. They really had no idea who they were dealing with.

“Let’s go.” Barton said in the door way.

I nodded but refused to speak to him.

Steve, Natasha, Coulson, Maria and Sam took the first vehicle and Barton and I were left on the second. We rode in silence and I could tell that it bothered Clint considering we always talked while on assignment. I was one of the few people who knew about his own secrets.

“You want to talk about it?” He asked breaking the silence.

“Nope.” I said coldly. “Nothing to talk about. This is my last job.”

“Y/N…”

“I don’t want to be around people who I can’t trust and who refuse to trust me.” I say. “Present company excluded.”

Clint gave me a small smile. “I know a lot more about you than they do, I trust you.”

I shrugged. “But they trust Natasha.” I pointed out.

Clint seemed to understand the fact that Natasha and I had very similar pasts in the sense that we both started from the other side of the tracks before we were each recruited to work for S.H.I.E.L.D.

“Here. Barton and Y/L/N take the high ground.” Rogers said into my ear piece.

“Rogers kiss my ass.” I say as I follow Clint. I took my ear piece out and stuffed it in my pocket. I was close to giving him a real piece of my thoughts.

Clint chuckled.

“I would really like to kick his ass.” I grumbled. “Sorry you’re on babysitting duty. You could tie me up if you don’t trust me.” I joked while thrusting my hands up to Barton.

He laughed and winked at me. “Later.”

I pulled out my sniper and took an inventory. Something was off. The amount of men here was double the numbers written down. not only that it seemed way more armed than the file that Coulson sent us. Also the amount of military materials here was outrageous and were larger in numbers than what we had been told.

“Who’s the intel from?” I asked turning away from my weapon.

He gave me a pointed look as to say ‘They won’t let me tell you.’

“Right.” I took out my earpiece out of my pocket and put it back in. “Rogers I think your intel is off. Something doesn’t feel right.The number of men here are at least double the number given. There is also a lot more fire power than the file stated.” I say knowing he’s going to ignore it. “I feel like we just walked into hell Clint.” I said forgetting I left my earpiece in.

Natasha spoke first. “Intel came from a reliable source.”

Then Steve spoke. “You’re more than welcome to leave.”

I rolled my eyes. “I would but seeing your tight butt in my lenses is just to good to pass up,” My voice oozing with sarcasm as I watched Steve stop walking and turn to look at me from my spot on the ridge peak. Okay I was not being that sarcastic I was enjoying the view of his ass but I was not going to tell him that.

I heard a few snickers before I took my earpiece out again. I turned to Clint. “I wasn’t kidding Barton something is off.”

Clint nodded and spoke to the others. “Guys I agree with Y/N. This seems way to easy.” 

I didn’t here what the reply was but it was not something Clint wanted to hear.

“I don’t give a shit. My instinct-“

Clint never got to finish because we heard the sound of a chopper.

“Son of a bitch.” We yelled simultaneously.

I broke down my gun and Barton and I made our way down. I shoved my earpiece in.

“Rogers! I told you this was not feeling right!” I growled as the helicopter started shooting at us. I pulled my sidearm that was attached to my hip. This was not going to end well. This is exactly why I never sign up for anything I don't have all the intel for.

We began to return fire as we made our way to the van. 

Clint was furious. “No offense Cap but your intel person needs to be fired.” He growls out into his ear piece.

After twenty minutes of shooting at each other and me getting shot we finally escaped. I groaned as I grabbed my arm. Fuck.

Clint looked at me before pulling over to the side of the road. "Shut it." He growled into his ear piece. He tore his shirt off and wrapped it around my arm. "You good?"

I nod. "Thanks bud." I say smiling.

He gives my a small smile in return. "You know I would get my ass kicked if I didn't or if you would have died."

I laughed as he pulled back onto the road to follow the others. Yeah, I knew.

When we ended up back at the warehouse I was fuming. I told him his intel was shit! The dumb shit just could not trust me! Why the fuck would I put myself in danger? That makes no bloody since. I felt my temper hit its boiling point and took a few deep breaths and headed towards what was the locker room to bandage myself up. I carefully stripped off my bloody unifrom and put opened my bag. I winced as I moved my arm but there was not much that I could do about that. I toed my combat boots off and l slipped my jeans back on. I stepped back into my shoes and laced them up before sitting down. I zipped up my bag and set my shirt on top of it. There was no point of putting it on and getting blood all over it.

I looked down at my arm. Bucky was going to kill me. “Shit, I am so dead. He’s going to kill me.” I mumbled unaware I said it out loud. Bucky was going to be pissed even more pissed if he found out Steve let it happened, but I guess I can leave that part out.

“Who?” Steve said walking up behind me.

I stiffened realizing I said it out loud. I shrugged. “Boyfriend.” I said playing it off because who knows what Bucky would do if Steve found out. Hell who knew what Steve would do when Steve found out.

Steve gave me a strange look. Well, well apparently me dating someone was a shock to Rogers, that was interesting.

“What? Your file not that thorough on me Rogers?” I said as I unwrapped my gunshot wound the Clint nicely wrapped, which was just a graze thankfully.

He shrugged leaning in the doorway.

“No snarky come back?” I asked inspecting the wound. At least it was a graze and the bullet was not lodge in my arm.

“Sorry I was thinking of how he would react if he knew what you really did today.” Steve says crossing his arms over his chest.

I winced as I tentatively touched the wound and looked back at him. “Ouch. I don’t keep secrets from those I love.” I say truthfully.

He put his head down. “That was out of line.” He says softly.

I shrugged and picked up the kit that Clint left for me. “I'd say don't lie but...”

“I wasn’t, it was. I don’t know the whole story an-“

“You never will. Only a few people besides myself do.” I said shrugging. “Besides your judgment is your own Rogers. I am well aware I did things that I should regret but I don’t I made calls that I thought were right. They weren’t always good calls but I can live with that.”

“I get that.” He said examining me. He picked up the medical kit out of my lap. “Sit back.”

“I can do it myself.” I said reaching for it wanting nothing more for him to leave.

He gave me a smile. “But you don’t have too.”

I laughed. “My god Steve Rogers actually smiles.”

He laughed and began cleaning my wound. “That’s hilarious.” He gently touched my arm.

“And a laugh too? I feel special today.” I say a laughing until the alcohol is placed on the wound. “Shit.” I decided to stare at him rather than what he was doing. I watched as his gaze moved from my arm to my chest then back. That was interesting.

Steve winced "Sorry."

“Bullshit.” I say laughing. For what the alcohol or checking me out?

He laughed and diligently continued to stitch me up.

“I lied.” I said as he continued.

“About?” He says without looking away, but I know that I have his full attention.

“Having a boyfriend, I just-“ I stopped and laughed at myself. “I just wanted to piss you off.” I said as I shook my head.

Steve laughed a little as he finished the last stitch. “Well, at least you were honest right away.” He says as he moves to pack up the kit.

I stood and slipped my shirt over my head. As I bent over to pick up my bag  I could feel Steve's eyes on my butt. I shook it off as concern for the fact he got me shot at. “Thanks Rogers.” I said as I slipped my t-shirt of my head and slid into my jeans.

“This is my fault, I should have listened.” He says in a rough voice. 

I turned around and looked at him. I do not ever remember seeing that look on his face, at least were I am concerned. I shook my head. “If my intel from someone I trust contradicted someone I didn’t I would have made the same call.” I lied through my teeth.  
Steve shook his head. “No you wouldn’t.”

I laughed. “I was trying to make you feel better Rogers.”

“Thanks for the effort. My intel wasn't there you wer-”

Maria walked into the room, “I hope I'm not interrupting but Sharon thinks she knows what went wrong.”

Oh shit. I thought this was not going to be good.


	3. Where the Line Blurs: Friend or Foe

** Y/N's POV **

I grabbed my keys from the side of my bag and followed Rogers into the main part of the warehouse. We were met with the sight of Sharon Carter. It took all my strength not to groan out loud. I really hated her. Something about her put my back up, and usually if someone did it meant that they were not trustworthy.

“Captain.” She says smirking at Steve. “Agent Y/N.” She says still staring at Steve.

I continue to walk past her to sit down. The woman just seemed to piss me off with her presence, which was odd because everyone else here seemed to trust her. Maybe it was my nature to be distrustful of other women.

Steve smiles at her. “Neighbor.”

Sharon laughs. “See I knew you couldn’t hate me forever.”

Steve laughs. “Kind of hard when we see each other all the time.”

I roll my eyes at their joke and walk over to sit next to Clint and Natasha. Natasha is idly cleaning her gun while waiting to hear what went wayward on the mission. I sit down on the table next to Clint.

Clint wrapped his arm around my shoulder in a sign of friendship and pulled me closer. “Not a Carter fan?”

I rolled my eyes at him. “Of the original? Yes. Of her? No. She puts my back up for some reason.” I mumble as we all watch Carter and Rogers flirt.

Clint nodded. “I happen to agree but don’t let anyone else know.” He says before turning his attention away from me and back to Steve and Sharon.

I nodded to Clint before I cleared my throat rather loudly. “Look as much as I am enjoying you two flirt with each other some of us have plans.” Like getting the fuck away from you.

Sharon glared at me. “Hate to break it to you Agent but national security trumps your date or social life.” 

Agent? There was not agency dumbass. I was about to respond when Barton cut me off. “Well hurry it up I have a hot date tonight too.”

Natasha and I both laughed knowing exactly what his hot date was. Said hot date would be pretty pissed to find out that he called her that. “Barton hanging out on your couch in your underwear eating pizza alone is not a hot date.” Natasha says.

I laughed and exchanged a high five with her. We were the only two besides Fury who knew about Clint's family and vowed we would keep it a secret for their safety. It felt good to know these two have my back since we all came from darker backgrounds than Carter and Steve did.

“You’re hilarious, but I was inviting Y/N.” He says smirking at me.

I laughed even harder wiggling my eyebrows at him before playfully running my arm up and down his chest. “Sounds fun Barton. I’m all yours.” I say laughing with Clint and Natasha. 

Steve glares at both of us. Which only makes the three of us laugh harder.

Sharon in turn cleared her throat. “Fine, according to what the CIA found out Hydra has a few operatives in place and they are now doing in house cleaning. Those operatives apparently found out we were sending you and well… you know the rest.”

I took a deep breath hoping to stop myself from saying something insulting. Obviously we noticed they found out. Especially since Clint and I picked up on it before anything happened. Also, there  was the whole I was the one who got shot thing to add to it.

“I hate to break it to you Carter but we all figured that out ourselves.” Hill said before I had the chance to speak. “What else have you got?”

  
Carter seemed wary about answering her since she seemed intimidated by Maria. I stopped myself from rolling my eyes, yes out of all the people to be afraid of Hill was not one.

Clint leaned closer to me. “Funny she should be more intimidated by you than Hill.”

  
I chuckled softly as that had been my own thoughts. 

  
Steve gave Maria a pointed look. “They find all the moles?” He asked turning back to Sharon.

“A few, but since the whole D.C. fiasco it is hard to tell who is friend or foe.” She says shrugging as if that was going to ward off her wariness of Hill asking her questions.

We all nodded in agreement.

Sharon turned to give me a pointed look. “Well maybe one of you leaked it…”

Clint stood up. “No one here would put any one’s life in danger.” He stood in front of me slightly.

“You trust her Clint?” Steve asked looking at Clint.

“I am right here!” I say to Steve.

“You yourself say there is only a few people who know about your very…how should we say colored past?” Steve says crossing his arms on his chest.

I glared at him. So much for us being friends. “Barton and Romanoff are on that short list.”

I turned to study Sharon from behind Clint. Now why would she think it was me?Why did she want everyone else to think it was me? More importantly why was she telling Rogers about it?

She nodded. “I have to head back before they know I leaked it to you guys,” She says living the file with us. “Walk me out Steve?” She asks.

I roll my eyes before turning towards Coulson. “That was all you had to go on?” I said as they exited the warehouse. That was a limited amount of intel for any operation to go on, especially one that had to deal with Hydra and limited resources on our end.

Natasha, Maria, and Clint all nodded in agreement.

“You do realize it was a trap? All you had to go on was CIA intel that there may be operatives?” Maria questioned. “We risked a hell of a lot on that Coulson.” She said before storming off followed by Natasha and Clint.

I stared at Coulson. “Why risk it all for that little intel?” I questioned him as I headed out the way they left.

“I was asse-”

“If I worked for Hydra? That’s rich Coulson. Remember you’re the one who approached me not the other way around.” I say heading out to my car. I was fuming. 

As I exited I noticed that Sharon and Steve both looked my way before she climbed in her car and drove off. Great now I would have to watch over my shoulder for the dynamic duo.

I rolled my eyes and unlocked my car. As I was about to climb in I heard footsteps approaching me. I turned to look at Steve.

I gave out a dark laugh. “And here I thought we were making progress Rogers.”

Steve continued to look at me blankly. “They trained you.” He said in a deadpanned voice.

I schooled my features to reveal nothing. “Yes.”

I see his face flush in anger.

I opened my car door. “You don’t know my story Rogers. I’ve already explained that to you. Hell even Carter there doesn’t know my story. So whatever she told you I would take with a grain of salt.” I say climbing into my car.

Steve grabs my door making it stay open. “You leaked it didn’t you?”

I glared at him. “Hands off my car Rogers.”

He put his hands in his pocket while staring at me. “You going to answer me?”

I slammed my door shut and rolled the window down as I put my car in gear. “No.”

“No?” Steve says arching an eyebrow at me.

“No I didn’t leak it.” I said

He let out a dark chuckle that was uncharacteristic of the Steve Rogers everyone except me knew. “Don’t betray my friends. That would be a grave mistake.”

“Don’t mistake me for the enemy Rogers. I may have been trained by them but I have no loyalty to them. My loyalty lies in those I love.” I say glaring at him. Which meant I was loyal to a very short list of people and only two of them were here tonight.

“Like Rumlow?”

“You don’t know what you are talking about Rogers.” I growled out in a warning. Rumlow was never someone I was loyal to he was someone who I had to always being on guard about.

“Maybe I don’t, but I do know that you’re not going to tell me anything.”

“Why would I? You don’t trust me, so why should I trust you with my demons Rogers?” I say angrily. “You know what don’t answer that.” I say before tearing off towards home.

By the time I got home I was seething. How dare he accuse me of leaking it when I was the one who got shot. I slammed the door open and then closed. After we had a moment that wasn’t full of hostility he has to accuse me of doing something unspeakable. I growled as I yanked off my shoes and threw them by the entry way.

“Rough night?” A voice asked in the dark.

I pulled my gun out and aimed in the direction of the voice. “Dammit Bucky!” I growled out as I tossed my keys on the coffee table. I was not used to people being in my space.

He chuckled. “That bad?”

I sighed. There was no point of taking my anger out on him. “I just got called a traitor.” 

“Oh, by who?”

I swallowed he may as well know the truth. “Your best friend.” I said brushing past him and heading to the kitchen for water.

He laughed. “Why’d you call yourself that?”

I laughed. “Hilarious, I was talking about Steve though.” I said opening the fridge up and taking my container of water out.

Bucky nodded. “I see. So he-”

“No. I didn’t tell him.” I said setting the water container on the counter and turning to look at Bucky.

Bucky sighed. “I woul-”

“You don’t need to explain it to me.”

Bucky gave me a tentative smile. “This is why we get along.”

I turned back to get a glass. “What is?” I say retrieving a tall glass from the above cupboards and pouring me some water.

“You understand me in a way he doesn’t.” he says leaning in the door jamb.

“That’s because you and me are made from the same cloth.” I say putting the pitcher back in the fridge.

Bucky nods about to respond when we both heard a knock we exchanged glances. Shit.

Bucky headed into my bedroom to hide and I retrieved my gun from the kitchen drawer and headed for the door. Who the hell was knocking at this time of night?

I wedged my body between the side of the door and the wall before cracking it open enough for me to see out without being shot at. Well shit. It was Rogers. “Stalking now?” I say slipping the gun into the waist band of my jeans before wrenching the door open and heading back to the kitchen.

“There was an accident.” He said as he shut the door.

I glanced down the hall hoping Bucky had left. “When?” I asked cautiously turning back to face Steve.

“An hour ago.” He says glancing around my place.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Who was it?”

“Clint.”

My eyes widened. Dear god no. I swallowed my fear “What happened?” I asked worriedly. 

“He’s fine just a few bruises and cuts.” Steve says glancing around my condo. "He said he was heading to a safehouse.

I felt relief surge through me. He was going home. Good, no one would find him there. I glanced at Steve, he wasn’t telling me something. “If it was a minor thing then why are you here Rogers?” Why would he come here to tell me that?

He stared at me. “I wanted to make sure you were here.”

I glared at him. “Gee. Thanks. Does my alibi check out your honor?” I say with my voice dripping in sarcasm. 

“His place blew up.” Steve says studying me.

I put my hands to my chest. “Awe and the first culprit you thought of was me. That’s so sweet.” I say as I glared at him. The man had some nerve! Especially sense he was the one who got me shot a few hours ago.

“Hydra was at fault.” Steve says crossing his arms over his chest and leaning in the spot Bucky once was.

I continued to glare at him. “Get off your high horse Rogers. I have already told you I don’t work for them!” I growl out.

He nodded. “That’s not why I am here.”

I was about to yell at him but that brought me up short. “Then why are you here?”

Steve’s eyes locked with mine. “I want to know if you meet Bucky.”

Oh. Shit. I thought making sure that I kept my face passive.


	4. Where the Line Blurs: The Arrangement

**Y/N's POV**

I stared at Steve for a while. I could not tell him that Bucky was here, well had been here. I let out a sigh before finally speaking. “Yes I met him,” At least giving him that much of the truth would not have too many consequences.

Steve nodded but did not reply as if he had to contemplate what he was about to say. “How well did you know him?”

I saw warning signs flashing in my mind. How much did he know about my past were Bucky was concerned?  I outwardly shrugged nonchalantly in response to Steve’s question. “Well enough to know he’s dangerous, if not lethal in the right circumstances.” I said speaking to his professional side and not the personal aspect of Bucky. I mean Steve had to know that he was an expert at hand-to-hand combat and a hell of a sniper.

He tilts his head to the side to study me. “You work with him?” He asked but I knew that he already had the answer and was just waiting for me to lie to him.

  
I nodded. “For a while, we actually worked together a few times.” I made sure not to be specific but not too vague in case he got suspicious of me since he already did not trust me. One of the things I learned as a kid was the art of a good story came from the right amount of specifics. Too many or not enough meant you did not know what you were talking about.

He gave me a pointed look. “What can you tell me about him?” He said looking like a forlorn puppy. 

“I already told you Rogers he’s dangerous. Why all of the curiosity? I mean D.C. happened a while ago.” I knew that I was playing with fire but I needed my own answers, even if it meant playing nice with a man who clearly hated me.

“It is not curiosity, I have been searching for him since the D.C fiasco. I just did not involve you. He’s my family so I need to find him.” He says before taking a deep breath. “Why is he dangerous?”

I let out a short laugh, “He’s a highly trained assassin how is he not dangerous?” I said but looking at Steve I could tell my words meant nothing to him without further explanation. “Look he’s an expert marksmen and great at hand-to-hand combat but you already knew that.” I paused as I stared at him. “Are you sure searching for him is a good idea? I mean you could get him killed or someone else who is helping you.” I point out mostly for the sake that Hydra was keeping tabs on Steve to find Bucky.

Steve seemed irritated at my statement and narrowed his eyes. “Are you trying to warn me off from finding my friend Y/L/N.”

I shrugged. “It’s your business Rogers I’m just saying what if he does not want to be found? Or they are still using him to get to you? Or worse they are using you to get to him?” I say offering up a few ideas. If they ever found Bucky that would be hell and I was not willing to let him suffer through any of that again.

Steve seemed to take my statement as a confession of guilt or maybe an affirmation of working with Hydra.

I narrowed my eyes into slits. “I did not imply whatever it is you are thinking about.” I say making it clear that I could read his unspoken thoughts. “I’m just telling you what ifs.”

“Are you sure about that? Because to me it sounded like it was a confession of working with them.” Steve says crossing his arms.

“Yes dad I am sure.” I say rolling my eyes at him.

I mentally watched a scenario where I punched him in the face multiple times before taking a deep breath and remembering now was neither the time nor the place we both wanted answers from each other. I ignored his last comeback trying to get to the heart of the matter of him showing up at my place. If I wanted to find Rumlow and the others I needed to play nice with both Steve and S.H.I.E.L.D.

“Why are you here?” I say entirely fed up with his game. “I mean you do not trust me so why would you want information from me about your dear old friend Bucky Barnes?”

Steve shrugged as he reached with one arm behind him. “You said it yourself you have a colored past that I do not understand s-“

I put my hand up cutting off his speech. “Save it Rogers I want the short version. What do you want?”

“I want to know about your time with Bucky.” He says bringing his arm back in view holding a thick file with Russian writing on it and hands it to me.

I opened the folder to see a lot of blacked files which contained missions of Bucky’s past discretion. In the folder there were stacks of pictures of a young me and Bucky on various missions. I let out a sigh. This probably why Steve did not trust me, I mean the life of a mercenary was a lot worse than it seemed.

This file was thick but it was nothing compared to the one that someone was probably collecting on me.

“This is not a path you want to go down Rogers.” I warn knowing he is still going to want answers but at least I tried to steer him away from the dark path this led to. It would be like climbing though hell, and I was not sure that Steve had what it took to get the answers he wanted or to find all those who were accountable.

“Answer the question.” He says staring at me blankly.

I took a deep breath. “He worked with me a few times.” I said glancing through the thick file of picture of us working in Hong Kong. “We…We have a very complicated past and there are things that I just cannot talk to you about.” I say shutting the file knowing the vast amount of demons I had that would pop up in this file. But at least it was not mine because that was probably twelve times as thick as Bucky’s was.

“Did you know who he was?” Steve questioned me.

I shrugged. “Yes and no.” I say not knowing how to explain without exposing the things Bucky did not want to be remember by or the things he made me promise not to say. I watched as Steve’s jaw tightened in anger. “It is a lot more complex than you think. Sometimes he was similar to the person that you probably remember and other times…” I stopped and swallowed the lump in my throat. “Other times he was a machine who only took orders.” I say trying to still protect Bucky.

Steve nods at me and holds out his hand for the file. I hand the file back to him.

“I’m not saying it was his fault. I’m just saying he was not really him.” I sigh. I did not know how to explain that the person Steve knew was gone, even the Bucky I knew was didfferent than the man that Steve remembered. 

Steve nodded. “You let them do that.”

I let out a bitter laugh. “Don’t take the moral high ground on something you do not know about. You may have read a little on what happened but I can guarantee the truth is a hell of a lot worse than the file. Plus, you have redacted copies which is not the most reliable source of information. Things blur pretty fast Rogers and the truth is always a lot more dangerous than lies.” I warn.

“That’s why I need to find him,” He says nodding at me while clasping his arms and the folder behind his back. “and you’re going to help me.”

I quirked an eyebrow at him he wanted my help? That was a bit odd considering the events from earlier today. Did he know that Bucky had stayed here? “I am?” I asked quirking an eyebrow at him.

“Yes. We found a lead, and since you know a lot about Bucky from working with him, I figure you are my best bet at bringing him back home.” He says staring at me.

“Why? I mean it is not like you even remotely trust me.” I pointed out.

“For some reason he did and that says something to me.”

I nodded at him. I needed to know what they knew about Hydra and their whereabouts since I had personal business to take care of with them. “I’m only doing it for him.” Well and me.

“He trusted you but that does not mean that I do. You cross me Y/N it will be the last thing you do.”

“Understood.” I say. “When do we start?” I asked.

Steve headed towards my door, “Tomorrow. I’ll come pick you up.”

I bit my tongue to stop myself from making a joke about it being a date. “You may not like what you find.” I warn as he opens the door.

Steve turned to give me a level look. “It is you who probably will not like what I find.” Steve says before walking out of my front door.

I stared at the door in silence. He was not wrong.  If I helped Steve and S.H.I.E.L.D I could finally have answers that Hydra and the old S.H.I.E.L.D would not give me.

“You going to continue to stare at the door?” Bucky asked.

I shrugged. I took a deep breath. “He does not trust me.” I say.

“He will.” Bucky says confidently.

I shook my head. “He’s right though I know I am not going to like what I find. My demons are going to catch up soon.” I say as I run a hand through my hair.

“We all do. Do not let Steve fool you he has his own.” Bucky attempts to point out to me.

“Not like us.” I say sitting down on my couch.

Bucky shrugged. “You have different way of handling things but you both do it for people you love.”

“He’s looking for you.” I say as I stare at the wall in front of me.

“I know, which is why I am going to disappear for a while.” Bucky says finally setting his back pack on the chair closet to me kitchen.

I nod in understanding. “Hydra is going to come looking. My bet is that  they are tracking Steve in hopes of finding you.” I say as I glance up at him.

He gives me a tight smile. “I know, but I have you on my side so I am not too worried.”

“I have a bad feeling about this Buck.” I say knowing voicing my fear was only going to make it more real.

“You are one of the best, after me of course.” He says cockily trying to relieve the tension.

I flipped him off. “I need answers.” I say knowing that the path Steve and I were about to go on was only going to lead to somewhere relative close to hell.

“Then do what you do best Y/N, go get them. ” He says standing in front of me.

I nod. I knew what I had to do. I had to play nice with Steve and S.H.I.E.L.D. I had to wipe my ledger clean, but most importantly I had to protect Bucky. I stood and headed over to my kitchen island. Which meant I might have to choose one over the other.

I pressed on the side and a high tech door opened to reveal a safe. I began to pull out a fake drivers license and passport.

“That’s pr-“

“You are going to need money.” I say pulling out about twenty five grand. “That should be good. If it is not I know you can come find me.” I began to right down the name of a forger that I trusted. “Also you need to go to this address tell him Wildcat sent you. He’ll get you set up.”  
Bucky stared at me oddly.

“I was a mercenary for a lot of years Buck this money is chump change for me and my connections are some of the best in the world.” I say walking it over for him to put everything in his back pack.

“Always prepared?” He said giving me a tight smile.

I wrap my arms around him for a hug. “Always.”

He wraps his arms around my shoulders. “Take care of him like you would me.” He mumbles into my hair as he places a kiss on the top of my head.

“Bu-“

“I am serious Y/N.” He says sternly,

I nod and pull away from him.

Bucky pulls his hood over his head and places the back pack over his shoulder. I watch as he headed towards the door. He turns and gives me a smile.

“Show him the you I know.” He says before disappearing out my front door.

“That’s harder than you think it is Buck.” I whispered to myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long. Hope you guys enjoy. The more you guys give me feedback I will update faster.  
> xoxo M


	5. Where the Line Blurs: An Odd Friendship

**Steve’s POV**

  
I leaned up against the car Nat let me borrow as I waited for Y/N. I have no idea how either one of us were going to make it through the day. I sighed and folded my arms over my chest as my phone began to ring.

I glanced down and seen Sharon's name flash across the screen. “Carter.” I said as I answered. 

As much as I like Carter I felt that not trusting Y/N was a poor choice. Her record for S.H.I.E.L.D said nothing but good things. Everyone who worked with her said that she would lay her life down for them and when caught in a dangerous or compromising position she would sacrifice herself to save members of her team.

“Morning Cap.” She said.

“Any activity?” I asked as I stared up at Y/N’s floor. What if she was doing exactly what she said? What if giving her the cold shoulder is-

“No. “She says sighing. “I just I have this gut instinct about her.” She added as an after thought.

I nod. Y/N had a lot of demons. Demons that she made sure distance me from her, which only made me question her and her motives. She was the perfect Hydra mole, but something about her just did not make it seem like she was. 

I watched as Y/N  walked out of her condo and quirked and eyebrow at me. “Talk later.” I said before hanging up on Sharon not waiting for a response.

“Carter?” She asked as she stuffed he hands in her pockets.

I studied her for a minute. There was something different about her today. Something that I just could not seem to put my finger on. I did pick up on the disdain in her voice as she said Carter. Which made me wonder if something had happened and Carter was seeking on revenge.

“Not really any of your business.” I say standing up. “Sam is going to me-“

  
She narrowed her eyes at me. “Just stop. You want my help?  I am more than willing Rogers but the hostility has to stop. If you want my help we have to be able to talk to each other civilly.” She says waiting for me to speak.

What changed? I nod not voicing my thoughts. “Agreed.” I said rounding the car. “We have a short drive.”

She nods before climbing into the car. “That’s fine.” She says turning to look at the window.

"You pointed out I don't know you. You want to tell me something about yourself?" I waited but was meet with nothing but silence. I bit back a sigh. It was hard not to be hostile against someone who’s sins could take down entire countries. Hell it was hard not to be hostile when they would not let you in.

I never treated any one, much less a woman, the way I have treated Y/N. I glanced at her out of the corner of my eyes as we drove.  For some reason I knew that the person she was around Coulson, Hill, or even me was not her real personality. I have watched her with Nat and Clint and it was like seeing a totally different person.

She turned to stare at me. “I was born in the Midwest, I was an only child, and my nickname was Wildcat.” She says vaguely before turning back towards the window.

I kept my face clear of surprise. Ask and you shall receive.

“When I was six my parents were murdered, part of being in the espionage game I guess. But instead of being put in the system I was trained by everyone from Russians, to Italians, to Americans, and pretty much any top notch intelligence operatives to be the best.” She says sighing. "Except for S.H.I.E.L.D."

I glance away from the road to look at her. “Why tell me this?” I knew I had asked but that much information was not something I thought she would give to me about herself.

She gives a small smile. “So you understand I was raised doing this. It was not a sense of duty or patriotism and when I grew up I was great at it, the best in fact and it was all I knew so I stuck with it until...”she broke off and turned to outside of the window. "Until I found something that made me change."

“So you’re saying that you were raised by it so therefore it excuse what you’ve done?” I question as I tighten my knuckles on the steering wheel. Her words rang in my head. What made her change? What happened?

I hear her groan and lean her head back against the seat. “Forget it.” She said turning back towards the window.

I pulled the car to a stop behind Sam’s. “This is where he was last spotted.” I said putting the car in park but turning to look at her versus getting out. I felt like an ass, I could not believe I said that to her.  “Look I-“

“I said forget it Rogers.” She said shoving the door open and walking towards Sam.

I watched as she brushed by him and into the warehouse. Maybe my instincts were right, maybe she was trustworthy. I shook my head at my own idiocy. Even after all these years I still did not know how to talk to woman.  I climbed out of the car and walked up to Sam. “Find anything?” I ask not wanting to draw attention to what had happened in the car.

He quirked an eyebrow between me and the place where Y/N disappeared, “You two have a cozy car ride?” He asked smirking at me.

I gave him a weak smile. “Not what I would say.”

“Did you call her a traitor again? Because I heard that really grates on a woman’s nerves.” Sam says as we walk towards the warehouse.

“No, she tried telling me her life story. I just...It doesn't matter.” I broke off and shrugged.

“Oh. What did she tell you?” Sam asked as we began to walk towards where Y/N disappeared into the warehouse.

“Her parents were spies and were murdered. Also that her nickname as a kid was Wildcat. Also-“

Sam stopped me. “Please tell me you were not a dick.”

I gave him a weird look.

Sam rolled his eyes at me. “She wants you to trust her.” He says before turning to enter the warehouse. "And to be honest Cap I trust her."

I stared after him. Why now? Did Sam know something that I did not? I shook my head and followed Sam into the warehouse. As Sam and I entered I watched Y/N walk around and examine everything.

She turned to look at me before turning to speak to Sam. “He was here alone and wounded pretty severely. From the blood pool and the rust on this bed I would say that he has not been here in a few days.” She says squatting to look at the something before standing again.

Sam nods. “He would most likely keep moving.” He says turning to look at me.

She shook her head "It is not just that Hydra…They are not just looking for him they are hunting him. He’s not only a symbol to them and what they want but a message of pulling one over on S.H.I.E.L.D and its allies.” Y/N says as she paces around the warehouse.

“You got all that from this?” I say gesturing to the warehouse.

She stopped pacing to glare at me. “No I got that from knowing them. Bucky was not only an asset to them. So trust me when Hydra loses its assets they try to get them back or wipe them out.” She say shrugging.

I studied her. Did she know this from personal experience or was she just assuming from the knowledge that she did have from them?

Sam nodded. “He’s not only physically hurt but emotionally. He is going to seek out someone who he trusts above all us.” Sam says looking at me.

I nod. He could come to us. Or maybe there was someone else that he trusted.

Y/N shook her head. “That all you wanted from me Steve?” She says before turning away from me and heading further into the warehouse.

  
I nodded. I think that was the first time I have ever heard her say my name.

Sam looks between the two of us. “I’m going to head out. I have a buddy who has some HYDRA info. Maybe he can give us a better idea of what we are dealing with.”

“Sounds good.” I say heading after Y/N.

I found her standing staring out into the field through a huge hole in the wall of the warehouse.

“I get it you need him.” She says before taking a deep breath. “But Steve I-“

“You think it is selfish of me?” I say staring at her.

She shakes her head. “No. He’s family. I get that, but right now with Hydra is still around the corner do you really think actively seeking him out is the best?” She asks turning to stare at me.

“I need him to be okay. I need my best friend. I need someone who understands me.” I say weakly. It was hard admitting it to a woman who probably never needed any one. I look down at my hands.

I felt Y/N’s hand on my shoulder and jumped slightly. I had not even heard her move.

“I know.” She says giving my shoulder a squeeze. “I also know he needs you but having him in your life and protecting him may be two different things."


	6. Where the Line Blurs: Trust is an Odd Thing

**Y/N's POV**

I moved to walk past Steve when I spotted a red light in the corner. My eyes went wide at the realization that this was a trap but I kept my cool and kept glancing around as if I did not see it. I stopped and waited for Steve anxiously. I licked my lips this place was probably all rigged and I should have checked that first. I mean what kind of idiot am I? I know exactly who we are dealing with and I slipped up. It would be faster to go through where he was standing versus walking through the entire building. I turned back around quickly and grabbed Steve’s arm, catching him by surprise.

“We have a problem.” I say in a low voice. Damn. 

“Y/N-“  
If I wanted him to trust me I was going to have to put as much faith in him as every one else did. I locked eyes with him. “We need to get out now. This whole place is rigged.” I whispered and prayed that he would not argue with me. I prayed that for once he would trust me because both of our lives depended on that.

I looked around and felt the uneasy feeling increase more the longer we stood inside of the warehouse. I narrowed my eyes at the sensor that was poorly hidden and realized it was blinking faster. The choice to trust me had to be his.

Steve looked from me to where I was staring and I could tell he knew something was up. Before I knew it Steve had grabbed me from around the waist and jumped through the large hole in the wall. Steve landed on his feet before setting me on my own. We both quickly ran away from the warehouse. Mere seconds later the whole warehouse explodes behind us causing us both to fall to the ground because of the impact.

“Shit.” I mumbled. I was really tired of people trying to kill me.

“Nice job.” Steve says as he stands to brush himself off.

“You don’t have to be such a di-“

Steve gave me a small smile. “I was being serious Y/N. You just saved my life.”

I groaned as I stood up in pain. At least he could act hurt. “I’m sure you would have done the same thing.” I say finally getting to my feet. “We should move.”

  
Steve nodded before looking at me worriedly. Without even speaking Steve picked me up bridal style and began to carry me around the building to where he parked the car.

“I can walk.” I argue without really making a move to get down. 

Steve laughed. “I’m sure that you can Y/N but I walk faster and we really need to get out of here.” He points out.

I rest my head on his chest. I am pretty sure I have a concussion and pretty bruised ribs from landing on the ground.“We really need to talk about who you get your information from Rogers because it seems they want me dead.” I joked but could feel Steve stiffen a little as we rounded the now desecrated warehouse. That was interesting.

“Believe me I have noticed.” He says as we approached the car. He sets me down and eyes me. “I am sorry about being a di-“

I laugh slightly but stop because I heard a noise. “Steve shut up.”

Steve looks offended but notices the same sound. There were cars approaching, at least two, and I would bet all my money that they were here to finish the job if we had made it out.

“Incoming!” I say as I move to get into the passenger seat.

Steve quickly rounds the car and gets in the driver’s seat. He buckles, seriously dude? We are about to be in a car chase and you buckle? Steve starts the car and puts it in gear before turning to look at me. Oh my god. I rolled my eyes and buckled while motioning for Steve to get a move on. Steve reversed and went in the opposite direction of where the cars where coming from. I pulled out my gun from its sheath behind me and my knife from where it was hidden in the ankle of my boot.

  
Steve eyed me before turning his eyes back on the road. “How did you spot them?”

I looked at him odd. Was that an-

He shook his head. “I was not accusing you. I was just wondering how Sam and I both missed them.”

I nodded not really believe him as we drove. “When I turned to walk away I saw the red light and well…” I gestured around us to emphasis on the rest.

“They were probably throughout the building.” He says as he glances in the rear view mirror.

I nod. “Yeah and thankfully someone was sloppy or we would both be dead.”

“Sloppy?” He asks.

“Yeah I mean it was pretty much in plain sight.” I point out turning around to see the cars behind us had figured out Steve and I had made it out. I sigh.

“It’s going to be okay Y/N I p-“ Steve said before stopping talking.

“What? What’s wrong?” I asked worriedly.

“Shit.” He says hitting the steering wheel.

My eyes widened something must be really wrong if Steve was swearing. “Want to clue me in here Steve?”

He shakes his head. “They put a tracker on the car. I can hear it beeping.”

I waited a moment and sure enough I heard the beeping noise. I lean my head back against the head rest of the seat. “I just can’t deal with this.” I say laughing. This was one hell of a situation.

“We are going to have to ditch the car.” Steve says making an abrupt left and heading back into the heart of the city.

“Yeah and we are going to have to make a run for it.” I say. I hope to god my stupidity was not going to lead back to Bucky. How could I be so careless? I was a mercenary for god’s sake! I knew mistakes like this were the ones that could get you killed.

Steve nods before glancing at me. “It is not your fault.”

I looked at him weird. “I never said it w-“

“You did not have too.” Steve says before glancing in the rear view mirror. “We will have probably five minutes.”

“I would say two.” I replied glancing back to see that they were indeed catching up to us quickly. I quickly unbuckled and released Steve’s buckle seeing as that would only slow us down when we went to get out.

Steve quickly slammed on the breaks and slammed the gear shift into park. We both quickly climbed out of the car but not before Steve retrieved his shield from the back seat.

We both broke out into a run, well I am pretty sure Steve’s was more of a light jog just to keep up with me. As we made our way through the crowds I turned to see them running after us.

“They will not hesitate to kill innocent people Steve.” I pointed out. Hydra was okay with casualties, they actually preferred higher death tolls because it invoked fear and fear meant obedience.

He nods before looking around.

All of a sudden a black SUV cuts us off. I pull out my gun and shot out the headlights hitting the airbag deployment sensors.

“Run!” I shout at Steve.

Steve waits and knocks the guys out with his shield before grabbing my arm and forcing me to run.

“Nice thinking.” He says.

I groan. “Every time you compliment me I feel like it sounds like an insult.”

Steve laughs. “That’s because I haven’t done it before.”

I laughed and turned my head catching the glare off of a sniper scope as the red dot lands on his left shoulder where his heart lay. I stopped laughing and shoved Steve far enough that I took the bullet on the top of my shoulder versus him taking it through the heart. Shit.

"Y/N!” Steve shouts catching me as I stumble.

I groan and grind my teeth together. “I’m fine. We have to keep moving.” I say.

  
Steve nods as an odd look crosses his face and begins to once again lead me through the crowded streets before halting abruptly.

“Y/N, stay behind me.” Steve says.

“The hell I will.” I growl out.

All of a sudden four guys with knives attack Steve. One of the guys comes after me and swipes his knife against my leg. I growl before I pull my gun up and shoot the short guy dead center between the eyes and watch as he drops to the ground. I then turn and notice the other guy had left a lot of marks on Steve. Nothing that would kill him but enough to cause damage. I quickly shot him in the heart and watched him drop. Steve quickly picks up his shield and knocks the last of guys to the ground.

“You okay?” I asked. Not noticing that fact that I too had been stabbed.

“Jesus Y/N. You okay?” Steve asks.

“Nothing that I have not experienced before.” I say. “We need to keep moving.”

Steve nods and wraps an arm around my waist. “We should just go to the tower.”

I nod as we walked the twelve blocks in silence. I kept searching but it did not look like we had a tail but it looked like they only sent the one team after us. Twenty minutes later Steve and I were standing out side of Stark tower dripping in blood waiting for the doors to open.

“Have a party and not invite me?” Stark asked leading us to the infirmary.

“Well then you would have all the fun.” I quipped back to Tony. I liked Stark always had. Liked him more after he caught me visiting with Nat when she was pretending to be Natalia.

Tony laughed but I could see the worry in his eyes. “See this is why I like you.”

I laughed trying to ignore the pain but with my adrenalin coming down it was becoming harder to do. 

We arrived on the floor and were met by a doctor.

“Take her first.” Steve says as he glances between Tony and I. Ah, he did not know how I knew Stark.

The doctor nods and leads me to one of the beds, well the only one that was set up at this time. I close my eyes as he patches me up, it was painful but it was well below my pain tolerance threshold. He cuts off my pant leg and sterilizes my leg wound from the knife. He gave me thirty six stitches in my leg before moving over to my shoulder. I slip my shirt over my head barely wincing so he can better inspect the wound.

“You’re lucky it was not any lower.” The doctor says as he pulls the bullet out and puts it in the tray. He then begins to clean my wound.

I let out a laugh. “He was actually aiming for a larger target.” I say glancing over to where Steve and Tony were talking animatedly. Steve looked angered about whatever Tony was saying. What were they talking about? I watched as the doctor gave me nine more stitches before stepping away to inspect his work. “Am I going to live?” I asked sarcastically without glancing away from Tony and Steve.

“Yes.” He says pulling off his latex gloves.

Tony walked over carrying a shirt and sweatpants. “Here you go.” He says smiling.

I stood up grabbing the shirt from him. “Thanks Tony.” I carefully slipped the shirt over my head. I stood and then unbuttoned my pants before slipping them off as well before carefully putting the sweatpants on.

“I want to run an x-ray the ribs seem to be severely bruised and a CT scan for your head you may have a concussion.” The doctor says.

I rolled my eyes. “No need. I know that I have bruised ribs and as for my head I have not lost consciousness sense it happened so I think we are good.”

  
“Rogers you’re up!” Tony said before heading to the elevator.

“Stark I really thin-“ The doctor said again.

“She’s fine.” Tony said leading the doctor towards the elevator with him.

I inspected Steve. He didn’t look too terrible, a few deep gashes along his arms, and what looked to be a particularly nasty slash slowly spreading crimson across his chest but all in all he still looked better than me. I watched Steve take my spot on the bed and wince as he tried to peel his shirt off. I walked up to Steve and reached for the scissors the doctor used to cut my own clothes off. “It will be easier to just cut them off.” I say moving to do so.

Steve nods as he eyes me as if to see if I had an ulterior motive.

“I’m just helping Rogers, unless you want to do it yourself.” I say offering him the scissors.

“No you can.” He says still studying me oddly.

I nod and move the scissors and begin to cut from the bottom of his shirt to were the nasty gash lied. I grabbed some of the antiseptic that the doctor used on me along with a gauze pad. “This may tug a little.” I say as I began to pull on the shirt gently to detach it from the drying blood. Eventually I was able to free the shirt. I took it from him and placed it on the end of the bed. Before inspecting him.

“Thanks,” he said again apologetically.

I shook my head. “I’ve seen worse off.” There was really only one big gash that looked like it might need stitching, the rest of the wounds were mainly collected on his arms and seemed mostly superficial. Which meant either Hydra agents didn’t know how to do their job or they were just sent as a warning. “It looks way worse than it probably is.” I offer stepping away from him.

“Feels worse than it probably is,” he groaned.

“I don’t doubt that,” I say as the doctor approached.

“I still think you should have a CT Scan.” The doctor says to me.

I couldn’t help but smile. “I’ll pass.”

I watched as the doctor began to work on Steve. The acrid smell of antiseptic filled my nose as he continued to thoroughly inspect and cleaned each laceration. Bruises started to appear across his skin, standing out sharply in patches of blue, purple, and yellow. I watched as the doctor finished the last stitch before he glanced down at his pager.

“Go I’m sure Y/N can finish.” Steve says noticing the panic in the doctors eyes.

He nodded and excused himself.

I eyed Steve before picking up the gauze and applying it gently to his skin and taping it to his chest. I stepped back inspecting my work as the doors to the elevator once again opened to reveal Sam, Nat, and Sharon.

“Thanks.” He said grabbing a shirt that Tony must have given him and slipping it on over his head before we were approached by them.

"What exactly was the plan this time Y/N?" Sharon scowled at me.  


My plan? I really could punch her. I was not the one who gave him the information about Bucky being at the warehouse. Hell Bucky was not even there.  I kept my mouth shut and my face blank not wanting to deal with her or any ones accusations.  
  
“It was not her fault Sharon.” Steve says standing from the bed.  
  
“She-“  
  
Steve shakes his head. “No. She had no idea where we were going. She saved my life so I would appreciate it if you stopped accusing her of trying to take it.” Steve says.  
  
I looked at him in surprise. Since when was Steve an advocate of mine?  
  
“Steve lets be rea-“ Sharon started.  
  
"Sharon I would stop while you're ahead." Natasha says as she eyes both Steve and I.  
  
"No. She was the o-"  
  
“Let me ask you something Sharon would you take a sniper bullet for someone who you wanted to betray? Would you kill someone for someone you planned on destroying?” Steve questions angrily.  
  
Sharon paused and seemed to process his words.  “You took a bullet for him?”    
  
Actually I have been shot at twice for Steve. I think bitterly as I shake my head.  "I learned a long time ago Carter that if you want someone to cover your back you have to cover theirs."

Sam nods. "I was there Carter someone else knew we were searching that warehouse." Sam says.

  
Yeah, someone like you Carter. I think to myself. There was no way in hell I was going to voice that thought unless I had proof.

 

Natasha nods. "We will look into that. For now Sam's old pal found a lead."

That source would probably be a hell of a lot more reliable than Carter's.

Steve nods waiting for an explanation but Sam glances at me. I mentally shake my head. "I have a CT scan to get." I say lying and heading out. Apparently the trust Steve exerted earlier was gone.

"Y/N.." Nat says. Knowing that I was lying.

I pushed the elevator button. "Sorry docs orders." I wait for the elevators doors to open and quickly pushed the lobby button. I was not even going to bother saying goodbye.  I lean my head against the now closed doors as Bucky's last words ring through my head.

_“Show him the you I know.” He says before disappearing out my front door._

Yeah Bucky I will get right on that. I think bitterly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed. Let me know your thoughts.  
> xoxo M


	7. Where the Line Blurs: Revelations

 

**Y/N's POV**

As the elevator begins to move I punch the door in frustration. I showed him just a little trust! Dammit! I got shot for him for god sakes! I thought angrily as the doors open. I shook my head as I exited the elevator. This was the exact reason why I did not trust any one! As I made my way out I noticed Coulson walking in. I rolled my eyes I have had my fair quota of stupid for today I was not going to deal with him as well.

"Y/L/N. Heard about what happened. Anything that you want to tell me?" He asks as he continues to walk in the direction of the elevators.

I heard the elevators ding to signal that they were opening. I school my features to show no emotion. I was done playing nice with these people. "Fuck off." I say continuing my way out as the elevators.

"Y/N!" Steve shouted.

I swallowed and stopped. Damn. "What?" I say in a monotone voice.

"You're still going to help right?" He asks as he makes his way past Coulson and towards me. His eyes were filled with worry which if I was a conceited person I would think it was for me but I knew it was at the thought I may not help find Bucky.

"Why?" I say shrugging and wince a little as I felt the tug of my stitches from were I got shot.

"He was once your friend to." He says standing directly in front of me and staring down at me.

I shook my head. "You're unbelievable." I say turning on my heel and heading out of the building. I was still his friend! I thought angrily.

But, Steve was faster than I was and moved to put himself between me and the door. "Look, I-"

"I can't help you if you don't trust me." I say looking up at him.

"I-"

I gave a bitter chuckle. "No you don't. Good luck with your search Rogers." I say brushing past him and heading out the doors leaving him standing there.

"Y/N!" He shouts and I can hear the frustration in his voice.

I had things I needed to figure out for myself without having to deal with Steve. I had my own questioned that needed answers. Like where was Rumlow? Who was Hydra’s mole? I walked aimlessly for a few blocks as I noticed a man following me from a few paces back. I kept my cool and slowed my pace to allow him to catch up because there was no way in hell I wanted him to follow me all of the way back to my condo. If he was going to attack he had already ruined the element of surprise. As he got closer I noticed it was Jack Rollins from Rumlow's group, also a man I had to work with upon occasion.

I ducked into an alley and waited for him. "You're getting bad in your old age Rollin's." I drawled out as he came around the corner.

"I could say the same for you Y/L/N. You used to be better." He says giving me a sinister smile.

"As much as I enjoy hanging out in dark alley's with strange men could you get to the point of all of this." I say leaning up against the cool brick building.

Rollins pulled out a cell phone. "Someone wants to speak to you." He says handing me the phone and walking away as it began to ring.

I swallow knowing whom it was that wanted to speak. I lean my head up against the building before sliding the bar to answer the call. "Yeah?" I growl out knowing this conversation was nothing but trouble for me.

I heard a deep chuckle on the other end of the phone. "Y/N." He says and I can tell that he has a wide smile on his face.

"Brock." I said as the feeling of dread washed over me. "What do I owe the pleasure?" I say sarcastically.

"I have the answers you want." He says waiting for me to respond but I bite down on my lip knowing that sucker punch was going to be next. "I'm more than willing to give them to you."

"Oh really?" I ask coldly knowing he was trying to flare up my temper. "How kind of you. Whom do I sell my soul to?" I ask sarcastically.

I heard him chuckle, which was followed by the sound of coughing. "You and I both know you are going to come to me willingly." He says laughing. "See you real soon beautiful." He says hanging up on me.

I growl and throw the phone at the wall across from me. I sink down against the wall and close my eyes trying to force down the memories that were clawing their way out. I felt the nausea begin to kick in.

_“Beautiful.” I heard a masculine voice say as I finish tying up the billionaire so I could hack into his computer. I hated teh man._

_“Rumlow, thought you had another job?” I ask while turning my head to give him a look over my shoulder. Even at sixteen I was still more attractive than most of the others. Which was why I was sent on this job. Men often underestimated women, especially when they were young and beautiful._

_He shrugged. “I was able to get someone else to cover since I wanted to see you kiddo.” He says pushing off the door jam he was leaning against and approaching me. I felt my skin crawl._

_I rolled my eyes and pulled a knife out of the sheath I just put it in and waved it at him. “Call me kiddo again and I will show you the full extent of my training.” I growl out. Better yet come closer and I will stab you._

_He is bigger than me and uses his height to push me up against the wall across form where we had our hostages, for now, on the other side of me so my back is pushed flush up against the wall.  I feel my stomach roll at his closeness but keep my face passive._

_“I know you’re good sweetheart.” He says leaning down so his mouth is hovering over mine._

_I smirk up at him. Dear god do not think it. “That’s why I get paid the big bucks.” I say as Rollins walks into the room. I almost sigh in relief at the interruption.  
_

  
_“Rumlow, we have to go.” He says as he clears his throat. “Looks like we are having company.”_

_He smirked at me. “See you soon Beautiful.” He says as he presses a rough kiss on my lips and turns to leave to do his job and I turn my attention back to hacking into the computer. After all I was getting a good chunk of change to do this and not leave a trace._

I shudder at the thought. Even at sixteen and being highly intelligent I should have stayed far away from him. He was at fault for so many bad things in my life. Which makes me wonder why he would willingly give me the answers I need. Unless he also needed something from me, which was highly plausible since that was how our fucked up relationship worked. I slammed my head on the wall behind me. It wasn’t all him though. I was a really horrible person, well not horrible, but I was not a good person in any shape or form.

I heard footsteps coming and looked up to be met with the sight of blue eyes and blonde hair.

 

* * *

**Steve's POV**

I let out a sigh of relief as I spotted her sitting on the ground of an alley by herself. My heart stop at the look of helpness that crossed her face but upon recognizing me it disappeared like it had never been there. "Look I-"

"Do-"

I move closer to her and sit down on the ground next to her. I know I screwed up, she put trust in me and I let her down. "I'm sorry." I say before chuckling. "I don't think I have ever apologized to one person in this short span of time this much." I say glancing at her and see she smiles before schooling her features and looking back at me.  "I do trust you, somewhat, I just don't want-" I stopped speaking and rested the back of my head on the wall as I stared down at her. "I just don't want to keep searching you know? What if he doesn't want to be found? What if Hydra is using me to bait him?" 

I hear her sigh next to me and look up at me. "I'm sorry." She says as she moves her gaze back on her hands. "I was out of line."

"Y/N-"

"No Steve, I was I know why you don't trust me, hell I know why you shouldn't trust me, and I made it about me when I should have realized you were doing it for him." She says shrugging followed by a wince.

I just stare at her as I replay her words in my head. What did she mean? 

"I should head back home."  She says getting up and offering her hand to pull me up.

I give her a small smile as I take her hand as an offering of peace and stand up. "How about we get food? I mean that's the least I can do you got shot for me." I say in one breath. Twice, she got shot for me twice and that was more than any one I knew.

She stares at me unsure. "Fine." She motions for me to lead the way. "But you have to choose because that's too much work for my brain right now." She says and I can see the tiredness pushing at her.

 

I turn my head and look at her. She really had been having a rough past few days, and most of it was because of me. Did she always look so worn?  Was she even aware that I could see that? "Deal, there's a small diner just a block down we can eat at."

She nods and follows me in silence. Come on Rogers, trust is a two way street you have to make this work. I mean Buck trusted her, so why shouldn't I? As we come upon the diner I hold the door open for her and make sure to get the second door as well. A few minutes goes by and we are begin seated and left alone.

She seems to be studying me."Can-Can I ask you something Steve?" She says setting her menu down.

I nod not quite trusting my voice. IT was weird to see this less guarded side of her.

She seems to contemplate what she really wants to say. "Why don't you actually trust me?" She asks locking eyes with my own.

I swallow. "Stories I guess." I say shrugging, "I mean you have a pretty well known reputation as both a spy an-" I broke off not sure it was my place to say anything.

She laughs. "Mercenary, I know its hard to say but it was what I was." She says shrugging and picking  her menu back up.

"Can I ask you a question?" I say putting my own menu away knowing I was just going to get my usual anyway.

She puts her own menu back away as well before resting her head in her hand and staring at me. "Yeah." 

I swallow knowing this was going to be a question that might piss her off. "Why did you stop?"

  
She laughed bitterly as the waitress stopped and asked for our order.

"You want your usual Steve?" She asks smiling nicely at me.

I coughed. Well that just made things awkward. "Yeah that's good." I say moving my hand to scratch the back of my neck.

The waitress turned and smile at Y/N. "What about you sweetheart?"

  
Y/N's bitter laugh changed to one of amusement. "I'll have whatever he's having." She says smirking at me as the waitress moved to place our order. "A usual? Here I thought you could at least be a little unpredictable Rogers." She says.

"Yeah, apparently not when it comes to you." I mumble as I stare at her.

She gives me an odd look before licking her lips drawing my attention there. I scold myself, there was no way I could take my thoughts there.

"To answer your question by the way." She says looking around the restaurant to avoid making eye contact with me. "It was not about you know, morals, I mean I wish I could say that was why I stopped and switched sides. But the truth is I-" She paused as the waitress appeared with two chocolate shakes and set them down before leaving us again. "Truth is I realized the only reason I was staying was because of a lie." She says shrugging, "I may have done a lot of things Rogers but lying is not something I do." She says shrugging.

"Neither do I." I point out as she avoids more eye contact with me. 

"At least we share one thing in common." She says looking up at me as she took a drink of her shake.

I shrug, "That's probably the only one." 

She glares at me. "I bet you like sports right?" She says.

I nod, "Baseball and football" I say with a shrug.

"See there's' another thing we have in common." She says laughing. "Except, I bet you have been to a game." She says smiling at me.

I laughed. "You haven't? That's like a right of passage in Brooklyn!" I say taking a drink of my own shake before remember what she had told me earlier. 

 _“When I was six my parents were murdered."_  Way to go Rogers.

Y/N laughed ignoring my comment. "What was it like? I mean since I have never had the time I am curious." She say resting her head in her hand again as she looked at me.

"It was fun. I went with Bucky. I did most of my stuff with him. Except cook, I never ever ate the food he cooked." I say smiling. Most of my memories from back then were with Bucky. Or getting beat up.

She laughed. "Baseball game? The man did love baseball. Oh god. I know  what you mean about not eating food he cooked. You should've seen what he did to the microwave the first time he used it by himself." She said laughing.

"What do you mean?" I asked confused. She spent time with Bucky like that? Of course I mean he was always a ladies man. I felt a spark of jealousy I had not felt since flying in the plane with Howard and Peggy.

She laughed. "When we find him I will deny I ever told you this story. Understood? He would be so pissed." She asks and sticks her hand out holding her pinky up.

I laughed,  "I understand." I say. How well did she really know Bucky?

"Not a chance Rogers. Pinky promise or I am not telling you." She says as she shakes her head at me. She seems more like the person she is around Clint and Nat.

I groan before wrapping my pinky around hers to pinky promise with her as our burgers and fries arrive.

Y/N laughs. "You really are Captain America." She says causing the waitress to laugh.

I felt my face turn red. "Shut up and tell this secret story."I was never going to out live this if we remained friends.

"We were on a job, and I was on the phone with one of his superiors. " She says carefully "And I was yelling at him because he was a real piece of work and forgot I left Bucky in the kitchen." She stops laughing. "And I just remember saying something about 'stop calling like a mother who just dropped her kid off at the first day of daycare. We will call you when it is hand-' and the smoke detectors start going off. So I am freaking out because of it. So I walk into the kitchen and saw Bucky standing in front of an inflamed microwave." She pauses as she continues to laugh and I along with her. "The worst part of it was that he was trying to cook Eggos and they only take a minute, he set it for seven." She says laughing and taking a bite out of her burger.

 

I laugh and wipe my eyes because I was laughing so hard. It was good to hear of recent memories of Bucky that were good. "What's so bad about that?' I ask as my laughter died and I took a bite out of my burger.

She smiled. "Because he's done it more than once." 

  
I laugh again and took another bite out of my burger. "Here I thought I was the embarrassing one." I said.

She laughed. "Please I was in a towel and got out of the shower and Bucky walks in the room notices the towel and suavely turns around and runs right into the door jam." She says which causes me to choke only my burger from laughter.

"No way." I say.

  
"Oh yeah." She says laughing and finishing off her burger.

I take another bite of my burger. As much as I was enjoying talking about Bucky with her it only raised more questions. I made sure not to sigh out loud as I took another bite.

She shook her head and pushed her plate away from her. "Ask." She says simply.

"Ask what?" I say as I take the last bite of my own burger.

"Whatever it is that is putting that look on your face." She says pointing between my eyes.

"Why do you care so much about him?" I ask knowing it is insensitive but it would help fill in some of my questions.

"We get each other." She says shrugging. "We view the world the same and we -we both had very few people we trusted, actually he was the only one I trusted in my other life." She says as the waitress approaches us with the check.  I paid no mind since I was still staring at Y/N. They were very similar, well at least from what I heard about her.

"Hope you loves enjoyed. This one is on the house." She says before walking by us and to her other table.

"That was nice." Y/N says.

"You saved him didn't you?" I asked already knowing the answer.

She laughed. "I like to think he saved me from myself and I saved him from stupid." 

 

I laughed and stood up. "Good because he kind of takes stupid with him everywhere." I say letting it go until she starts to trust me more. "Time to go." I say as we head out of the diner and onto the New York streets. 

She laughed as I held the door for her. She went and hailed a cab. "I need sleep." She says laughing as a cab pulled over. 

I nod as I studied her. I was no longer sure if I was curious about her because of her reputation or because of the woman I got to see tonight and that terrified me.

"Thanks for the date Rogers." She says as she climbs in and shuts the door. I must have looked confused because she just laughed as the car pulled away.

Date? I chuckled to myself it was a lot better than the actual dates I went on. Maybe having her around would be good for me. I rolled my shoulders as I head back towards the tower. I needed to get things figured out with the new intel Sam's friend gave us

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed! I do apologize not updating sooner. 
> 
> xoxo M


	8. Where the Line Blurs: Hidden Past

  
**Steve’s POV**  
  
  
“What do you have Sam?” I asked as I walked into my floor of the tower. I noted that Coulson was still here along with Sam, Natasha and Sharon.  
  
  
“She alright?” Natasha asked me with a worried expression from her spot on my couch.  
  
  
I nodded and glanced at my watch. Damn. I had been gone for about two hours. “Yeah. I just lost track of time. What did your buddy find?” I asked as I looked at Sam who was standing leaning against the kitchen counter.  
  
I ignored the questioning look that Natasha was giving me and headed towards Sam who was holding out a folder for me.   
  
“Yeah, looks like your boy has been bouncing around quite a bit.” Sam says handing me a folder. “He’s still looking into that. However thanks to Nat’s leaking everything that S.HI.E.L.D has onto the internet my buddy was able to get some information on Y/N.” Sam says shaking his head.  
  
I open the folder and see blurry photos of Bucky but nothing else in the file. I sighed knowing it was going to take a long time for me to find Bucky. “What did he find on her?” I asked knowing that it was wrong of me to be snooping but I needed to know she was trustworthy beyond a shadow of a doubt.  
  
Sharon moved away from her place by my fridge and towards me. “What did she tell you about herself?” Sharon questioned as she came to peer over my left shoulder to look at the file Sam handed me on Bucky.  
  
I shrugged. “Not really that much. She told me she grew up in the Midwest, did not tell me where. She also said that her parents were S.H.I.E.L.D agents who were killed on a mission.” I said making sure not to mention the nickname part knowing that Y/N probably would have erased or found someone erase anything that was incriminating of her. Also if it was not in the file Sam had it meant that she was telling the truth to me and just did not want everyone else to know.  
  
Sam nodded and opened up the folder that he still had in his hand. “That’s actually all true according to what my buddy found. I mean this is more detailed but still her facts are on point.” Sam says as he scans through the file. “She actually grew up in a really small town called Fish Creek in Wisconsin with some sort of nanny that took care of her, since her parents were away a lot. Both of her parents were S.H.I.E.L.D agents that  were killed in a undercover operation that went bad along with two of their other colleagues when she was six years old. Um…” Sam says flipping through pages of the rather thin file. “Then there’s nothing. According to other files he found the nanny reported her missing but the case ran cold since there were no leads. According to the officer report they thought she ran away.” He says looking up at me. “Literally she just disappeared at six years old and reappeared years later. Even her missions as a S.H.I.E.L.D agent have disappeared.” Sam says.  
  
I nod. “That’s a more detailed description of what she told me but it does not seem like she is lying.” I say and glance at Natasha out of the corner of my eye to see that she stood rigid. Did she know about the whole Wildcat thing too? Was she one of the few who knew all of Y/N's secrets?“You want to add anything?” I ask turning to face her fully.  
  
Natasha quirked an eyebrow at me but I watched her face and knew she was in fact one of the few. “Seems Sam’s friend highlighted a lot of key points.”  
  
I hear Sharon scoff on the other side of me. “How do we know she didn’t tailor that story? I mean she obviously removed the rest but just left that. You don’t find that a little odd Romanoff?” Sharon says crossing her arms over her chest.  
  
I watched as Natasha stared down Sharon. It was an odd sight considering how much Natasha said that Sharon was a good person and nice. Apparently when it came to Y/N Natasha and Sharon were not going to agree.  
  
“I did the same.” She points out coolly as she stood up from her place on the couch and slowly began to make her way over to us.  
  
Sharon rolled her eyes. “Tha-“  
  
“She’s not that person anymore.” Natasha says evenly without looking away from Sharon and continuing closer.  
  
I put my right hand up to prevent her from walking closer in case she decided to beat Sharon up, the look on her face suggested that was were it was going. “Enough both of you. Is there anything at all in her file there? Or did you find something else Coulson” I asked seeing if he just glanced over something  
  
Coulson seemed wary about what he was going to say. “You’re not going to like it Steve.”  
  
I rubbed my face. Yeah I already knew that. “What is it?”  
  
“Well her missions may have disappeared from the S.H.I.EL.D leaked intel but her personal information as a S.H.I.E.L.D agent has not.” He says swallowing. “ I had Skye look into a few things and according to what she found Y/N and Rumlow were pretty friendly.” He says sliding a picture out of his pocket and handing it to me. There was a picture of her sitting on Rumlow’s lap laughing.  
  
“Friends not the word I would use Rogers.” Her words rang in my head as I turned to look at Natasha. If they weren’t friends then what did that make them?  
  
We all turned and looked at Natasha.  
  
She shook her head. “It is a lot more complicated than that picture makes it out to be.” She says putting her hands up in defense. “Trust me it is better to just let all of this go.” She says walking over to my fridge and pulling herself out a beer and quickly ridding it of its cap.  
  
“You and I both know that is not going to happen.” I say crossing my own arms across my chest. I watch as Natasha takes a long drink of the beer before moving her arm to rest at her side.  
  
 “I’m not saying that they didn’t know each other but trust me…” Natasha says shaking her head. “Rumlow and her knew each other before she came to S.H.I.E.L.D. They-” Natasha shook her head again. “I never asked what went on Steve. In all honesty I do not think I want to know.”  
  
 “She know he was a sleeper agent?” Sharon asked turning towards Natasha.  
  
Natasha shook her head. “I do not know.” She says taking another drink of her beer. "Unless she had a death wish she would not have told any one."  
  
We all stood in silence as the words sank in.  
  
“It would be easier to dig around about her if she was around more.” Coulson says breaking the silence.  
  
“What do you mean?” Sam asks cocking his head to the side in confusion.  
  
“I’ll reopen my offer, not that is was off the table, but I will ask again if she will join the new S.H.I.E.L.D that way we have an eye on her at all times.” He says. I stay silent knowing that if she found out she would be pissed off at any one who agreed. I watched as everyone, including Natasha nodded in agreement.  
  
“Steve?” Sharon asked as they all stared at me expecting an answer.  
  
I nod. “Only because we need answer of Hydra.” I say knowing that I was probably making a huge mistake.  
  
Coulson nodded and pulled out his phone. I watched as he opened his contacts and began to call someone. “Y/N…I realize that but I want a firm answer to you rejoining us….Yes I know it wa-…” He pinched his nose in aggravation. “I apologize I should have trusted you more but -…” I watched as his eyes widened in surprise. “Yes that is exactly why…Okay…Temporarily?…” I watched as he nodded his head to whatever she was saying. “That is reasonable. I will let you know more tomorrow.” He says hanging up the phone and looking up at me. “She agreed pretty easily.” He says looking past me and Sharon to Natasha.  
  
Natasha put her hands up in surrender but glances at me. “Don’t ask me.”  
  
I nod. What was Y/N playing at? Or was she honestly wanting a clean slate with S.H.I.E.L.D?  
  
**Y/N’s POV (17 years ago)**  
  
  
_It has been three years since my parents death. Two years since the men showed up at my door offering me the option of revenge for the death of my parents._  
  
_Offering me vengeance. Every day I had to workout both physically and mentally which only allowed me six hours to myself and usually that was to eat and sleep._  
 _I was sent off to a secret location an academy that trained lethal weapons. Most were recruited by governments and some were good enough to free-lance and become world renowned mercenaries who worked for themselves and whoever could pay the most._  
  
_The day started with martial arts usually boxing, karate, judo, and some shape or form of Kung Fu to ensure that I was strong, fast and agile. Following I had a few hours of gymnastic and aerialist training. Then they switched to my tactical skills such as strategy, integration simulations, hacking skills, and various language skills. Then we went to practicing my marksmen ship and repeated it every single day without fail._  
  
_“Y/N! Again!” A voice commanded as I once again missed the target by three and a half inches._  
  
_I rolled my shoulders “Trisha…I’ve been doing this for three hours and haven’t missed. In fact I never miss. Can I please take a break?” I whined as I felt tears prick my eyes from exhaustion. As soon as the words left my mouth I regretted it knowing I would be receiving some shape of backlash._  
  
_Trisha was a former KGB operative who was an alumni of the academy. She is the only American to ever be a part of the Black Widow program because of her skill set. She was now a mercenary who trained students to recruit them to work for her._  
  
_“Fine you want to be done?” A different voice shouted, a masculine voice said calmly.._  
  
_I turned and felt my eyes go wide at the sight of a man who only came to see the top students of the academy. It was Wolfgang con Strucker. He was one of the men most people in the graduating class wanted to be recruited by. “Kill her.” He says pointing at my instructor. The women who for the last three years of my life has taught me everything._  
  
_I swallowed as he handed me a knife and motioned for her to pick up one of her own._  
  
_“Let’s see if your skills can really be used my child.” He says stepping away._  
  
_I stared at him unsure of what he wanted. Did he want me to actually kill her? I saw her flip her knife out of the corner of my eye and knew immediately that she was willing to do whatever he asked just to please him. Or maybe it was to fulfill some sadistic desire of her own._  
  
_“To the death….” He says motioning._  
  
_Out of the corner of my eye I watched Trisha flip her knife in the air before tossing it at me. I ducked knowing that most of her throw went higher when she started without warming up. Luckily I was right and the knife ended up lodge in the wall next to the place my head had once been. She came at me and quickly used my size to my advantage and moved out of her way causing her to run into the wall and try to retrieve the knife. I used this time to move across the room. I knew she was more than willing to kill me at this point._  
  
_“You’re not going to win.” She growls out coldly. “You will join your parents soon enough kiddo.”_  
  
_I knew if I angered her enough she would be caught off balance and I knew that if I hesitated Strucker would not hesitate to kill me. I watched as she came back at me and knew that she was going to try to overpower me to get me down and then stab me since she was one of the best at close combat. I was faster and a lot better at strategizing than she was even though I was only nine years old. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Strucker frown and knew he was not very pleased at the situation._  
  
_She moved just like every other time she sparred with someone and I snuck in and watched her put one of the others in the infirmary. She used her momentum and moved her knee up to my face and tried to make a grab for my head with her hand that held the knife to take me to the ground. I flipped the knife in the palm of my hand and just like she taught me I flung it straight at her heart without hesitation. The room went silent as Trisha collapsed to the ground and looked at me in horror._  
  
_“I guess you’ll be seeing them first.” I say as her head hits the floor._  
  
_I looked up and say Sturcker looked impressed. “They did say you only needed one chance.” He says smirking at me._  
  
_I cocked my head to the side. “One chance?” I asked._  
  
_His smirk widened. “Yes. They say you ace everything once you are shown how to do it and that you never miss espcially if you are pushed into a corner you fight like a wildcat with no remorse..” He puts his hand out for me to shake. “ I am Wolgang con Strucker.”_  
  
_“Y/N.” I said shaking his hand and schooling my features so he would not see me as being intimidated by him._  
  
_He laughed. “How would you like to have a real mission Wildcat?” He says smiling as he releases my hand._  
  
_“A mission?” I ask as I study the man who struck fear in so many._  
  
_“A test run if you will.” He says giving me a sinister smile and laugh._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed reading. I will hopefully putting things up faster now that finals are almost over. Let me know what you think.  
> xoxo M


	9. Where the Line Blurs: The Plane Ride

.

**Y/N's POV**

I groaned as I heard the ringing of my phone and slowly sat up from my bed. I picked my phone up from my nightstand and saw Coulson’s name on the caller ID. I rolled my eyes and answered the phone.

  
“Hello Coulson. What do I owe the pleasure of speaking to you at…” I stopped and turned to the clock on my nightstand. “Three am.”

“I have more news in regard to my offer.” He says.

I arch an eyebrow at his tone. “More news? Like what?” I questioned as I flipped my teal bedspread off my body and slid off the right side of the bed.

“As a sign that I do indeed trust you I have a mission that I think will suit you.” He says pausing for my response.

I rolled my eyes. I was not an idiot I knew he still did not trust me. The mission was probably made to keep an eye on me, actually I knew that was the reason behind the whole offer. “What is it?”

“It’s classified.” He says.

I bit my lip as away to prevent myself from yelling at him. “Classified?” I questioned carefully. What the fuck? How was I going to help if I did not get any information? 

“Yes, therefore I can not tell you over the phone. The files will be waiting on the plane. Steve of course will accompany you. Your plane leaves in twenty minutes" He says before the line went dead.

I pull the phone away from my ear as the silence envelopes me. Where the hell was he sending me? I tossed my phone onto my bed before I rolled my shoulders and slid my shirt over my head as I made my way over to my dresser. I quickly slipped on my lacy underwear and my  matching bra before slipping on a plain black t-shirt. I clipped my bra and tugged my shirt over my head before sliding on my underwear. I moved to the left side of my dresser and pulled out my blue skinny jeans and quickly slid them on. I gathered my hair up into a ponytail and put it up. I stared at my reflection in the mirror of my dresser. I looked like hell so hopefully this mission did not require me to look attractive.

I moved out of my room and headed to my entrance. I grabbed my keys and backpack, since they were the only things that I would need I headed for my car to go to the airfield that Coulson ordered since we would have to be taking a military jet. I hailed a cab from outside of my place and gave him directions. As we pulled up to the small air strip I asked him to stop.

“Here’s fine.” I say pulling a few twenties out and tossing them to him over the seat.

“Are you sure I co-“ The man asked worriedly.

I nodded and gave him a reassuring smile. “Positive.” I said climbing out of the car and slinging my back pack over my shoulder before heading towards the air field.

As I approached the jet I spotted Steve leaning against the fence near the building.

“Morning.” He says offering up a smile and holding out one of his hands with a cup of and using his other to drink his own.

I give him a wide smile and laugh. “I can honestly say I have never been happier to see you.” I say taking the cup and taking a cautious sip. I sighed as the coffee slid down my throat.

Steve laughs. “Good to know.” He says pushing off the fence and nodding towards the jet.

I laugh. “I was talking to the coffee, but hey seeing you is nice too.” I say as I brush shoulders with him.

He shakes his head while laughing. “I see how it is.”

I laugh knowing that this easy banter may soon disappear. The pilot nods at both of us as we climb into the plane and move past him.

“All set?” He asked.

“Yeah.”

“We will be taking off momentarily.” He says nodding to us before disappearing behind the curtain to the cockpit.

I sit down and watch as Steve settles across from me.

“So what are we doing?” I asked knowing it would probably put an end to our banter.

Steve looks at me and pulls some files out. “After you left Sam and Coulson filled me in on a few things.” Steve says pausing and studying me with an odd expression.

I made sure to keep my face passive as I felt my blood run cold. “What things?” I questioned making sure my voice was light.

“They were able to track a few places that Bucky would have been kept.” He says glancing away from me and down at the file in his hands. 

That may have been true but that probably was not the only thing they filled him in on. “That’s were we are going to I take it?” I asked.

Steve nodded and flipped through the pages in the file. “Yeah, according to these thermal scans from the last week there have only been twelve people at the particular sight in Russia that we are going to.” Steve says handing a picture of the scan over to me.

I looked over the picture. “This compound is above ground.” I say. Which meant that it was only a temporary HYDRA stash, or the majority of the compound was underground.

“Yeah.” Steve says and I can feel his eyes on me. “Why?”

I looked up at him and handed him the picture back. “Its just odd.” I say pausing and studying him. Should I just tell him my thoughts? Or maybe I should just let it go. “Are there any more pictures?” I questioned.

Steve cleared his throat before handing over three more picture of the scan at different angles of the building. I studied them. “Is there any of the ground penetrating thermal scans? So we can see if there is a heat signature below the ground?” I asked as I handed the pictures back to him.

“No…do you think there should be?” He asked as he closed the folder and set it next to him.

I waited and watched him. There was a chance that this was also a trap so I had to tell him. “Yeah. When I was a merc and I would come back from ops and they looked like those pictures from the outside.” I paused as I saw him clench his jaw but Steve did not speak. “But when you went in it went underground a long ways, unless they were stash houses then there was only one level below.”

Steve nodded. “I’ll call Coulson and ask." Steve says not taking his eyes off of me.

"What are we exactly are we doing Steve?" I asked since he had yet to give me a answer.

"First priority is Coulson wants us to track down a few files that HYDRA stole before DC happened."

"But that's not why you are here." I said. I mean I could get a measly few files on my own.

"No. They think this was were Bucky was held." He says cocking his head to the side waiting for me to say something in reaction to his revelation.

At some point in time I assume it probably was, for maybe a few days but not very long. Especailly the first few years they had him. "Honestly Steve the number of places that they could have held Bucky is probably a really large number." I point out. Not like it will do me any good considering that he may still think this is a trap.

"You're probably right but there has to be something we do not know. I mean Bucky was held for how many years."

I nod and yawn. "You're probably right."

"Why don’t you get some sleep?” Steve says before standing and heading towards the cockpit. "I'll wake you up once we are ready to get out of the plane."

Great. Just fantastic. I groaned as Steve disappeared behind the curtain. I leaned my head back against my seat before glancing out my window. Well at least I told him the truth. I felt the bitterness surround me. This was exactly why only a few knew my story. Because then it minimized the people who looked at me like I was a monster. After what seemed like forever I realized the Steve was not coming back. I sighed and moved to sit on my side and felt my eye lids get heavy before sleep finally overcame me.

 

I felt the plane jolt and reached for my knife as I woke up. I opened my eyes to see Steve watching me as he pulled out two parachutes.

“We will not be able to land.” He says staring at me.

I nod. “Was not really expecting to.” I say as I stand up and stretch. I glanced at steve as I pulled my hands over my head. He had changed into a combat suit. Too bad I missed it. Did he always look that hot? I mean the suit itself was making my imagination go crazy. I groaned. It was easier to push those thoughts away when he was an asshole.

“We will be about a mile away from the compound.” He says as he fiddles with the parachute.

“This is not going to be easy.” I point out to him. Yeah, especially since all I can think about is what you look like underneath that suit.

“That’s not really anything knew Y/N.” Steve says looking up at me with a small smile as he picks up his shield from the closet.

I shrugged. If we were going to be visiting HYDRA I needed to keep my guard up and be on my game. “Good to know.” I say flatly as I open my bag up and pull out my old S.H.I.E.L.D uniform.

“Five minutes out Cap.” The pilots voice says over the intercom.

Since there was not much time there is no way I am going to be able to go to the bathroom to change. I watched as Steve turned to talk to the pilot. It was now or never. Even from behind the man looked good.

I toed off my boots and unbuttoned my pants. I stuffed my jeans in my bag before pulling on the skintight suit. I glanced at Steve who was still conversing with the pilot. Why now must this happen? I groan again as I pulled out my belt and strapped it on around my waist. I placed my two handguns and my three knives into their correct sheath. I slide my boats back onto my feet and tighten them before standing up. I pulled my shirt over my head and stuffed it in the bag.

I hear Steve clear his throat and look up to see him staring at me.

“T-this is our stop.” He says holding out the parachute.

I nod and slid both of my sleeves on before zipping up my uniform. “Let’s go then Cap.” I say ignoring the way the Goosebumps began to cover my skin from his gaze. Damn it! Now was not the time to develop a physical attraction to Steve Rogers. I

I set my backpack on the seat I had occupied and I walk towards Steve to take one of the parachutes from his hand. Maybe it was the damn uniform that was making me crazy. Why did my hormones always pick the wrong time to make an appearance? I inwardly groan as Steve motions for me to turn around.

I roll my eyes and grit my teeth. Him touching me was not the best idea. Steve raised his eyebrows at me. I turned around and he slipped the parachute on my back. I quickly buckled it in and turned back around to face him. Damn the man. I thought bitterly as he stared down at me.

“You ready?” He asked.

I nodded. “I live for this.” I say.

“Here’s your window Cap.” The pilot says.

Steve nods and slides open the door. “See you down there?” He asks.

“You can count on it Cap.” I say and jump from the airplane. 


	10. Where the Line Blurs: Files and Answers

**Y/N's POV**

 

I untangled the parachute from my body as I see Steve land on his feet gracefully. I rolled my eyes, something must be really wrong with me today to find that attractive.  I stripped off the bag and stashed it under a large bush as Steve approached me.

“Coulson had the scans you thought would be useful taken they found it goes one floor deeper into the ground, but there is still only twelve guys.” He says as he strips off his own parachute and setting it next to mine.

“You lead Cap.” I say motioning for him to go forward seeing as I had no idea where we were going. At least I was wrong, that was a good thing.

I watched as Steve moved his shield to place it on his back. He went to say something but shakes his head and nods at me to follow him.

As we approached I noticed how old this place seemed. It was not one of the hideouts that I had been to. It seemed to date back to WWII. I glanced at Steve and watched as he stiffened.

Did he recognize this place? Has he been here before? I studied him as we continued to walk. We approached a fence which did not give off the sound of a low hum which meant it was not electric just extremely tall.

  
“Stay close.” He says over his shoulder as he analyzes the fence.

I nod. As I glance at the watch tower covered in vines and debris. This seemed eerily abandoned for a place that had twelve guys walking around. I silently slipped one of my guns out of its sheath. This could be a trap. I watched Steve even more closely to make sure he was okay.

I watched as Steve scaled the fence within seconds and climbed onto the other side and once again landed gracefully on his feet. I groaned inwardly as I placed my gun back in its holster before beginning to climb the fence myself. I moved to straddle the fence as I looked down at Steve who shook his head and motioned for me to jump.

I glared at him. I may not be a super serum product but I could jump off a fence and land without damaging myself without his help.

Steve just quirked an eyebrow at me and motioned for me to jump again. I rolled my eyes and moved my left leg over and quickly pushed myself off the fence. I made sure to keep my eyes open as Steve caught me without any hesitation. He carefully set me on the ground, but not without me feeling the electricity I had on the plane as my body slid down the front of his as he set me back on the ground.

I inwardly slapped myself. This was not professional or of character of me not once in a mission had I been this distracted. I motioned for him to again lead the way. We silently made our way past old abandon cars that looked to be from WWII. I glanced to our right and saw movement. I set my hand on Steve’s arm making him stop. He glanced down at me with an odd expression. I motioned to our three o’clock pointing out the two of the men.

Steve nodded at me and threw his shield causing the men to fall over. We continued to make our way into the middle of our compound. As we got to the main building we found four more men, who Steve took out before I could even draw out my weapon. I watched as Steve went of to pick up his shield and motioned for me to follow as this was the door we needed to get in.

The door only had a run of the mill padlock keeping it secured. We both shared a warily look as Steve motioned for me to move back and used his shield to break the padlock into two pieces. I removed my gun once again as I followed Steve into the building.

As we entered I felt the tension elevate. Steve must have too because he stopped walking and turned towards me. I glanced around cautiously and noticed that there was no one in this section of the building.

I felt the hairs on the back of my neck prick up as we walked further into the compounds main building. I removed my gun from its holster and followed Steve closely as we made our way deeper into the main building. I heard movement to my left and touched Steve’s arm again motioning to the spot I heard the movement from. Steve nodded and ran towards the area on the balcony and pulled himself up before summersaulting. I watched as he threw his shield and quickly retrieved it as he kept running.

“Go find the files.” He says as I hear gun shots. “I’ll meet with you soon.”

I hesitate before quickly taking off. The sooner I find them the sooner we get to leave. I carefully placed my gun back in its holster and secured it as I ran. Where the hell would they put files?

I paused. Someplace no one would look. I brought myself to a halt and took a left I needed to find the stairs. They would always put the files in a room that looked like an extension of another room. After a few minutes I found the stairs and took them down to the concealed level. I walked until I reached a spot that said ‘Lab’ I pushed open the door gingerly as to assure there were no bombs attached. I walked into the room and saw that it was full of file cabinets.

I pulled my flashlight from my belt and flicked it on. I quickly went through the drawers until I found all of the files needed. I glanced at the files in my hands and the files left. Burning them all seems like the best option.

I glanced at the files they were not new, not in any shape or form. In fact I would guess they were created shortly after WWII.

“You find them?” A voice said from behind me.

“Yeah…” I said holding them up before shaking my head at my last thought. I turned to face Steve who was leaning in the door way.

The man was the worst. I moved to him holding out the files. “I believe that Coulson would trust you with them more than he would trust me.” I say as I brush past him.

 

Steve nods as holds the door for me. “I took care of the men, at least temporarily.”

I nod. As I watch him motion for me to follow him once more.


	11. Where the Line Blurs: Flashbacks and Escape

**Y/N's POV**

As I followed Steve I watched as he paused in front of the room labled ‘Storage’. I motioned for him to move aside and gingerly opened the door to make sure like before there was no bombs. After pushing the door open I was met with a familiar sight.

I glanced around and saw a single chair similar to one that you would sit in at a dentist sat on the right side of the room surrounded by various older computerized equipment that looked similar to what they would use now when they wiped Bucky I glanced to the right and saw the cryobonic freezer. I felt my heart squeeze this was one of the place they had held Bucky. I tuned to glance at Steve and watched as he made his way to the chair. His body language screamed anguish. His tight statue and clenched fists only seemed to make him look older.

“Steve…” I said as I turned to see him tightening his jaw as he glared around the room.

I cautiously watched as he moved towards the chair while he shook his head. “Wh-what did they do to him?” He asked without removing his eyes from the chair that was placed in the center of the room.

I swallowed as the feeling of nausea began to overwhelm me. I really didn’t want didn’t want to make Steve face the ghost that was Bucky’s past. Especially, not when it looked like this was one of the original ones which caused more pain than deliberately meant.

“They called it wiping.” I said motioning to the chair. They would…They would literally shock his brain in order to erase his memories.” I said pausing as I watch Steve turn to face me. “The longer he went without being wiped or put into that,” I said pointing to the original cryo-freezer. “He would remember bits and pieces and would… Well he would refuse and …well I’m pretty sure you can figure out the rest.” I said as I began to move towards the original, or maybe one of the original freezers that had held Bucky in cryonic preservation. It reminded me of my time in compounds similar to this. It was older, that much can be seen by the age of the technology in this room. That meant this was one of the first ones made.

I glanced at Steve and seen that he was nodding in understanding.

“Did you ev-“ Steve stopped abruptly and stepped away from the chair itself while shaking his head.

I shook my head. “No, I-“ I stopped as I stood right in front of the freezer it was as if I could see my own demons. I shook my head again as if to shake away the memories of what happens in a room such as this. I felt a chill climb up and down my spine at the thought of my last time in a room like this. It was the last time I was in any Hydra compound and the last time I had seen Bucky up until he showed up at my house. I unconsciously moved and placed my hand on the window where you would have seen Bucky’s face had he been in there. Pulling me away from the present and thrusting me back into the memory itself.

_I continued to punch and jab the already dented punching bag in front of me in angry. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid man. I punched harder and felt the blood dribble down my knuckle only further pissing me off._

_“You aren’t hitting it right.” A voice said from the shadows._

_“Fuck off!” I growled out as I hit it incorrectly again just to piss him off. He knew, he knew that he shouldn’t have done that. He knew that he should not have reported that. I shook my head as I felt the angry tears build and tried to blink them away._

_“You knew I had to tell them.” He says._

_I stop and watch the bag swing in front of me before briefly glaring at the shadow in the corner of the room. “I would have been fine. I was more than willing to take the fa-“_

_“That’s not how this works Y/N.” He says stepping out of the shadows so that I could make out his face. The face of the only person that I trusted and now I was once again going to lose him._

_I shook my head. “Damn you!” I shout at him angrily. “You damn well should have let me take the fall!” I growled out as I moved towards him._

_“They would ha-“_

_“You can not be serious right now Bucky! Whatever they could have done to me is nothing, and I mean nothing, compare to what they will do to you!” I shout angrily._

_“I’m sorry Y/N, this was my choice.” He says giving me a tight smile._

_I shook my head. He shouldn’t have compromised himself like that. Now that he remember things they-I shuddered as I watched a few of the Soviet soldiers walk in the room._

_“My choice Y/N.” He whispers to me as he follows them out of the room._

_I ground my teeth as I look around the training room before stalking out after them._

_I nodded at one of the men as I entered the room. I felt my stomach roll as I watched them strap Bucky to the chair and put the mouth guard inside of his mouth. I clenched my fists knowing that if I screamed or fought with them to stop this he would only suffer more. I knew I should have handed his report in my damn self._

_I watched as they began to shock him. His last words echoing in my mind._

_After several minutes of screaming the room was silent as Bucky had once more disappeared to be replaced with the Winter Soldier as they unshackled him from the chair I watched as he looked lost around the room and seemed to look right past me._

_I watched as they opened the freezer and forced him towards it. We locked eyes as they forced him inside. Within minutes he was once again frozen._

I heard shouting as I shook my head forcing myself out of the memory and turning to face a concerned Steve standing right in front of me with his arms on both of my shoulders.

  
“Y/N…Y/N…” He said as I blinked back to the present.

“I-“ I took a deep breath trying to find some sort of relief from the memory that had haunted me. “Sorry.” I said stepping away from him.

I watch as Steve’s arms dropped but the concerned look was ever present. “What happened?”

“I-I was just remembering one of the last times I was in a room like this.” I paused as I studied his face gauging his reaction. “It actually was one of the last times I saw Bucky.” I let out a shaky chuckle. “I put him in the chair. I let them wipe him to save me.” I said looking anywhere but at Steve.

“Y/N…”

I briefly glanced at him and saw understanding in his eyes.

“Look this..” I said motioning to the room around us. “This is as dark road. Anything and everything you will find here Steve is..” I let out a dark chuckle. “It’s not something you want to see. Trust me, I lived in it I would know.” I said making my way back towards were we walked into the room. “I’m not sure what you are going to uncover. I do know that it is not something you want to see.” I say glancing over my shoulder at him.

I watched as he nods before glancing around the room and heading towards me. “I know. I know this isn’t who he was.” He says as he stands right next to me. “But Y/N I need to find out what happened to him so that I can help him.” He says with honesty that I have only known from a few people.

I nod. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

Steve nods and taps on his ear piece. “Understood. “ He says to me before listening to whatever Coulson was saying to him. “Coulson, we are ready to be extracted. We will be at the rendezvous point in fifteen minutes.” He says as an alarm begins.

“Better make that ten.” I said as we ran out of the room heading towards the first floor.

I followed closely behind Steve. We ran up the stairs and head down the main floor to the exit. Steve stopped and turned towards me and picked me up and used his shield to crash into a nearby window Standing warily we both ran towards the out of date fence as we heard the rumbling of a plane. We both exchanged a look. That was not the extraction team. I watched as Steve ran directly at the fence before stopping and turning towards me.

He nodded and continued to run at him. When I got close enough I leapt from the ground at him. As the soles of my feet collided with the shield Steve thrust up and propelled me over the fence. As I hit the ground a few feet away from the fence I rolled so I was in a crouching position. I glanced over my shoulder and watched as Steve ran at the fence. In seconds he was over the fence and picking up his shield from where I assumed he threw it. I staggered to my feet.

“We have to move.” He says walking past me as he slips his shield into place.

“Really I thought we could have a party here.” I mumbled as I followed him in the direction of our extraction point.

I watched as Steve gave me a pointed look over his shoulder.

“I was just saying.” I said putting my hands up in the air as mock surrender as I followed closely behind. We ran a few paces into the cover of the woods.

I turned my head as I heard the plane get closer. I watched as Steve tackled me and withdrew his shield covering us both from the debris of the blast. I reached my hands up to cover my now ringing ears. I licked my lips as I enhaled his scent. Fuck, I did not need my libido to be running the show but my god the feel of his muscular body was goign to drive me over the edge. I swallowed and tried to keep my face impassive. I did not need Steve to see me so turned on.  

I watched as Steve stood over me and extended a hand to help me up. “Someone really wants us dead.” I huff out as Steve pulls me to my feet.

“Noticed that did you?” He says giving me a small smile.

“Oh now mister serious finds his humor. Does death make you funny?” I say. Because it seemed to make my horny and that was not normal. 

He shakes his head. “We better hurry.”

“Wait,” I say causing him to stop. “You still have the files right?” I ask.

He nods as I feel relief course through my body. “Why?”

“Because they are really important.” I say brushing past him and taking the lead. “We have to move. They’ll be sending a search and kill team soon.” I say trekking off towards the rendezvous point.

I can practically see the caution and alarm bells going off in his head. “Why do you say that?”

I glanced over my shoulder and continued to walk. “I say that because they blew up a compound that had more than just the measly files we stole which means that they would risk it disappearing completely if it meant S.H.I.E.L.D or their associates did not get their hands on it.” I say as I continue to pick my pace.

We walk in silence for a while until we reach our destination. I glance at my watch two minutes.

I glanced at Steve.

“You know if you think about it, it’s actually really nice of them to do it while we are together.” He says as he leans against a tree.

“I’m sorry, what?” I asked confused.

“The fact that they keep trying to kill us while we are together.” He says glancing around.

“Oh yes, I’m so grateful!” I say pretending to swoon against the tree. “I may get to die with Captain America, sexiest man alive! What an honor!” I said as I fake a squeal before glaring at him. I laughed at myself internally, because those were my thoughts just moment ago when he was on top of me. 

I turned to see the quinjet land in the clearing.

“Sure you’re not an actress?” He says as he brushes past me. “No need to be so angry.” He says with a small smirk on his face as he runs off towards the bus

“Really, even that is funny?” I say as I heard his soft laughter.

I swallowed. Dammit. Why couldn’t I just be attracted to the damn suit? I thought as I followed behind him. This was going to be a long as plane ride.


	12. Where the Line Blurs: Changing of Perspective

I watched him walk towards the bus. I took a deep breath I did not need to develop physical feelings towards Steve Rogers. I began to quickly sprint after him so that we could make it out before the kill team got here to take us out.  Distraction, no matter how good looking, were not good in this line of work. As I approached I noticed Steve had stopped towards the end of the ramp. I slowed to a jog as I climbed up the slope to him and noticed that two younger people were waiting with Coulson for us.

 

“Well apparently you two are really wanted dead.” Coulson says as he flips the switch to close the ramp door.

 

I watched as the two agents seemed to stand in a combination awe and horror at the sight of Steve and I. I knew they both must be in shock of meeting Captain America in the flesh, while the look of horror was reserved for me. I shrugged at Coulson and exchanged a look with Steve. “Really?” I asked with my voice dripping in sarcasm.

 

Steve shrugged.  “Really hadn’t picked up on that.” He says as he crosses his arm across his chest.

 

I smirked a little at the sigh I heard from Coulson.

 

“Follow me.” He says as he leads the way up the stares.

 

I smirk as I walk by the two stunned agents. “He’s pretty isn’t he?” I say nodding my head as Steve walks up the stairs.

 

“I can hear you.” He says.

 

I laugh and follow the spangled man and the suit. “Just sharing some fan girl information Rogers.” I say with a laugh.

 

I heard him laugh as I climbed up the stairs. As I got to the last step I am met with Steve glaring down at me.

                  

I smile extra sweetly.  “I believe we have orders to follow Coulson there Cap.” I say sneaking around him to follow were Coulson went off to.

 

As I followed Coulson into the main part I could feel not only Steve’s eyes on me but that of the other two who had yet to speak. But from their attire I knew that neither one of them were field agents. My guess was that they both were scientists.

  
“You know you are the worst.” A female voice asks.

 

I laugh as I catch sight of May. “No.” I said as Coulson stood next to May. I smiled broadly and hugged her.

 

“Happy to see you alive kiddo.” She whispers as she pretends not to be affected.

 

“You too.” I say.

 

I stepped back and watched as the others looked on in shock. I ignored the looks and sat down on the couch making myself comfortable.

 

Steve handed the files to Coulson. “Must be pretty important.” He says.

 

 

I could tell from his tone he wanted to be told what was in the file. But I knew that Steve was not going to ask out right.

 

“What is it?” I asked. As I eyed the two that had yet to speak. They seemed to be really nervous about me. Which meant that they had went to S.H.I.E.L.D Academy.

 

Coulson grabbed the files as he stared at me. I turned to watch him with a quirked eyebrow as he opened the file without taking his eyes off of mine.

 

“HYDRA information.” He says as he glances down.

 

I rolled my eyes. “Wow, shocking.” I say leaning my head back against the couch close my eyes. “Might want to be careful Coulson I may start calling you Nick.” I say knowing it was going to push Coulson’s buttons

 

I heard Coulson let out an irritated sigh. “It was a program that Zola began years ago as he experiment to try to create a super human like Cap without the serum.”

 

I open one eye and peer at him. “You mean to make mutants?” I say.

 

“No. Genetically mo-“

 

I laughed. “What do you think a mutant is?” I ask.

 

Coulson gave me a pointed look. “The point is that Zola could not continue but he left files because he hoped they would be able to in the future.” Which Coulson shock fro emphasis. “On how such a procedure would go.”

 

“Which you stole.” I point out as I stick my hand up to point my finger at him accusingly. I was enjoying my little game of confusing the shit out of everyone with the sudden switch in my personality. Not that it was different than who I really was it was just not the person I wanted people to see me as.

 

“I-“

 

Steve laughed as he sat down on the couch across from me. “She’s right.” He says.

 

Coulson sighed. “The new head of HYDRA is planning on using it. At least that is what our intel says.” He says as he glances at the two mutes.

 

I knew that meant they had suspicions that they were already doing so.  “So what your saying is he left a bread crumb trail in old HYDRA places because he knew S.H.I.E.L.D would never look there.” I say pointing out the obvious.

 

“Exactly.” He says as he closes the file. “Since they knew we were already here there is no point of hiding us anymore. We will touch down stateside in a matter of hours you and Captain Rogers can have the two open bunks. Also your things are already moved from the private jet into the bunks.”

 

I nod as I turn to watch May and Coulson make there way to what I assumed was the cockpit.

 

I turned my head back in time to see Steve stretch. I swallowed as I watched his muscles tighten. Dear god. That suit was going to kill me. Or I was going to rip it off of him. 

 

I swallowed and put my chipper act back on display as I turned to the still silent agents. “So do you two speak?” I asked.

 

I could feel Steve’s as on me but ignored the look that probably was along the lines of ‘play nice’.

 

“Uh-“ The girl said as she stared at me scared. I turned my head to look at the guy who was acting like a fish who had been thrown out of the water.

 

“Scientist right?” I asked as I propped both my legs up on the table before crossing my ankles.

 

I watched as the girl nodded mutely. She looked terrified which annoyed the crap out of me. If she wanted to be scared then I was going to give her a reason to be scared. I thought as I inwardly smirked. I reached down to my knife and pulled it out and began to mindlessly flip it in my hand as I continued to stare at her. “So you don’t speak?” I ask again as her eyes go wider.

 

“No, we do.” The guys stutters out as he lays a hand on the girls shoulder.

 

“Oh good!” I say overexcitedly. “So what are your names?” I ask as the girls eyes are on the knife in my right hand.

 

Out of the corner of my eye I watch as Steve stands but keep my attention on the two in front of me.

 

“I’m Fitz, this is Simmons.” The guy says motioning between the two of them.

 

I nod as I recognize the names. They were a dynamic duo at the acedmy and highly acclaimed by some of the upper S.H.I.E.L.D scientist before the fall. I remembered seeing them around the base. Always together.

 

“Ah. You’re a cute couple.” I say gauging their reaction. From the awardness I could tell that they were not a couple. Never had been. What a shame.

 

“It was good to meet you both.” Steve says from behind me.  I turned my head to look up at him. “I think you’ve had your fun.” He said moving away from me and heading in the direction of the bunks Coulson had previously pointed out to us.

 

I let out a whine. “Grandpa Rogers has to ruin all the fun.” I say standing and moving to follow him.

  
I paused knowing that I should make it right if I wanted to remain on Steve’s and of course Coulson’s good side. “Look I’m sorry.” I say meaning it by dropping the peppy façade. “I’m not going to kill you and I didn’t mean to make you so uncomfortable.” I say as I put my hands up in mock surrender.

 

“We knew that.” Fitz says playing it off but Simmons still looked wary at my words.

 

I laugh. “Of course you did.” I say walking away to follow Steve.

 

As I moved toward were we would bunk I watched as Steve slipped on a t-shirt. Goddamn, the man was going to be the death of me. I thought as I walked by and entered the bunk I would be able to nap in.

  
I pulled out my street clothes and set them on the bed. There was no way in hell I was going to nap knowing what was sleeping right next to me. The itch only seemed to increase the longer I was alone with Steve.

 

“You good?” Steve asks from behind me.

 

I turn my head to look over my shoulder to see him leaning in the doorway, or whatever you wanted to call it. “How do you mean?” I ask turning back to face the bunk. That was not an itch that you can scratch.

 

Steve sighed and stepped in before closing the door. “I mean with the fake routine you just put on.”

 

I shrugged. “I-“ I stopped as Bucky’s words ran in my head to trust Steve. “I make them uncomfortable, understandable. If you don’t recall I made you feel that way. Probably still do.“ I say shrugging as I unzipped my suit and stripped it off the top portion of my body suit and shrugged on my t-shirt.

“I-I am sorry.” He says and I can here the sincerity.

 

Dammit. He was going to make my life hell if he was actually nice to me on a constant bases. “I get it.” I say as I step out of my boots and unclip all of the straps for my sheaths. “I was a terrible person. I did things most people swear they would never do. I took money from terrible men.” I continued as I peeled off the bottom half of the suit and grabbed my jeans. I quickly stepped into my pants and pulled them up. “I deserve it.” I say shrugging as I turn around to face Steve.

 

“You are not that person.” He says.

 

I laughed and leaned up against the bunk. “I am though, I just play for the good guys now.” I say bitterly. “Look I’m almost dying has made me exhausted so I think I will just crash.” I say not wanting to continue. Steve has judged me enough and this conversation was only going to give him more ammunition, which would not fair well for me.

Steve nods and moves to open the door. “We all do things we wish we could change. Moments that we would have done something different. Your past does not define who you are now.” He says as he leaves.

 

I sigh. He was right, but my past is how other people judge who I am. I groaned as I flopped down on the bed. I closed my eyes it was easier when he was indifferent and cold towards me. Somehow the switch in behavior had me off balance. I put my hands behind my head as I tried to analyze what I was feeling towards Steve. I mean I had always found him nice to look at, but now I was actually attracted to him physically  which was not something that I had counted on.

I swallowed, I was going to be in a lot of trouble. Steve was an itch that I could not scratch whether we became friends or not. Steve Rogers was way too good of a man for me to put all my problems and issues on. I closed my eyes, I just needed to find another outlet.  I felt someone gently shaking me. I quickly grabbed their arm and twisted. I opened my eyes to see Steve Rogers in front of me.

"Sorry." I mumbled sheepishly as I released my death grip on his arm. "I must have dosed off." I said as I moved to sit up.

Steve nodded. "Yeah, Coulson is dropping us off before he disappears again." He says as he leaves.

I stand and grab my bag noticing that Steve must have folded my clothes and put them back in my bag, because I did not remember doing that. Too nice of a guy. I thought bitterly as I picked it up and put it on.

“Do you need a lift back?” Steve asked as we made our way back out the way we came in.

I noticed no one else around, which meant that they were most likely hiding. I swallowed, that was not a good idea. “No.” I said as I brushed passed him. I needed to sort myself out before I tried to be alone with him. I mean yeah I was not really emotionally invested into Steve, but physically I was which would be problem.


	13. Where the Line Blurs: Files Uncovered

I can feel Steve’s eyes penetrating into my back as I walk away from him. “Y/N.” Steve says as he reaches out and grabs my arm.

I stop walking and turn arching an eyebrow as I look from the hand that grips my arm back up to Steve’s face. “Rogers…” I groaned out, there was no way in hell I was getting out of this. Steve was not going to let me walk, or take a cab back.

His face hardens contradicting the sweet tone he used when he said my name. “You are not going to walk back.” He says with authority and a hard face.

I stare at him for a while in silence. His face softens as he stares at me.

“It’s a long way from your place.” He says as he releases my arm. “Let me give you a ride.” He says with sincerity.

Damn the man. “I hate you.” I mumble as I smile slightly and shake my head at him. How the hell am I supposed to deal with this? I was already having problems being attracted to him. By him being chivalrous to me I was only going to have more problems.

He puts his hands up in mock surrender. “I get it you have had enough of me.” He says looking down at me with a small smile. “But I would feel better if you let me take you home.” He says.

I laugh a little as we walk towards the only hanger on the airstrip. “No, I don’t think you do-“ But as I look around I realized there was no other car. The only thing on this side of the building was boxes and tarp that looked to be covering something large. “Wait how are you proposing that we are getting back?” I asked changing the subject completely.

He smirks at me as he walks towards the large tarp on the side of the hanger.

Dear god do not let it be what I think it is. Shit. I gulp, if it was what I think it is I was totally screwed. “What is that look for?” I ask as he pulls the tarp off. I groaned. “I would rather walk.” I joked but honestly I would have because riding on the motorcycle would have put me in way closer proximity than I wanted to be right now. I was already having problems with being attracted to him this was only going to make them worse.

He laughs as he puts his shield in front of the bike. “It’s not so bad.” He turns around and is smirking at me. “Unless you are afraid, but I did not think you were afraid of anything.”

I bit my lip I was not afraid of motorcycle I was afraid of Steve Rogers. Men like him and women like me just do not mix well together, we are toxic. “Well, I am just full of surprises. Apparently you are too.” I gestured towards him and the bike. For some reason I was more attracted to him now than I was before. How the hell had is this guy single?

Steve looks at me weird. “I’ve always driven a motorcycle.” Steve shakes his head as he climbs onto the bike. “I’m a pretty decent driver there ma’am nothing to be afraid of.” He says/

Believe me sweetheart there is plenty for me to be afraid of. I laughed. “I would like to believe you Rogers but with our luck I am not going to challenge you on that.”

He laughs as headlights head towards us. “Suit yourself Y/N.”

I swallow and try to push down the emotions beating at me as I start to move towards him. “I’m holding you to your word Captain, I die on here I am coming back to kick your ass.” I say as I move to straddle the bike. I lick my lips as I hoist my left leg over to the other side of the bike.

“Yes, ma’am.” He says as he starts the engine. “You are going to want to hang on.”

I laughed and leaned my head up against his back. “If I did not know any better Rogers I would say you were enjoying this.” I inhaled his scent I was going to be tossing and turning all night now.

I feel him laughing as his shoulders shake. “Now why would you say that?”

I wrapped my arms around his torso. “Just a hunch.” I say huskier than I wanted. I was going to need an ice cold shower when I got back to my place. “Take me home there Cap.” I say as he takes off.

We ride in silence, nothing but the hum of the engine. Underneath my palms I can feel Steve’s abs. I try to focus on the scenery but I am too caught up with imagining how his toned six pack would feel underneath my hands, skin to skin. I wonder- my thoughts are cut short at Steve cutting off the engine.

I quickly untangle myself from Steve and hop off the bike faster than a normal person would deem necessary. I step further away from the bike to put distance between us. We were slowly becoming friends I didn’t need my hormones to ruin it. I knew that if he touched me I was going to do something that may ruin any potential friendship.

“Thanks for the ride Rogers.” I say making sure to keep my tone light and step further away from Steve.

“Are you free tomorrow?” He says as he stares at me.

I feel all the color wash out of my face. Bad idea. Was he aski-

Steve laughs. “It is not a date Y/N.” He says “Besides, I am pretty sure I am the one who I would have to be terrified if it was.”

I nod. “I think so.” I say not addressing the other portion or my previous thoughts. Off limits, he is off limits.

“Good, how about we meet up to talk about Bucky?” He questions. “Sam may have new leads for us.” He says smiling.

The man was to god damn nice. Whoever he ended up with was going to be one lucky lady. “Sounds good.” I say nodding at him in response.

“Good, why don’t you come to the Tower tomorrow around noon?” He says.

“Th-“ My phone begins to ring and I retrieve it out of the left side pocket of my backpack and saw the picture of a bird on the screen. “Hold that thought Rogers.” I said as I hit answer. “Hello?” I said.

“I just got some news that you are going to want to hear Y/N.” The female voice said on the other side of the phone.

“How bad?” I questioned knowing that if she was calling me it must be really bad.

“I do not know, but if it is as bad I think it is you are in some deep shit my friend.” She says.

“Lovely.” I groan out. “W-“

“I am waiting for you across the street. Get rid of motorcycle boy.” She says with finality in her tone.

“Five minutes got it.” I say as I hang up the phone and before placing it back where I had retrieved it. Damn. Thing never worked out. “Fine tomorrow noon.” I say as I cross my arms on my chest. I sigh as I realize how clipped my voiced sounded. “Sorry, I just got some bad news. I will see you tomorrow Steve.” I say as I wave and give him a tight smile.

“You okay?” He asks as he goes to start the bike.

“I’ll be fine don’t worry about me Steve.” I say as I move towards the door to my place. I wave one last time as I enter the building and watch as Steve disappears down the street. I wait and exit the building as a black SUV pulls up on the opposite side of the street. I walk in front of the car and I climb into the passenger side door and shut the door before speaking.

“So you got the hots for Captain Ame-“

I turned and glared at my friend. “If you finish that sentence Morse I will kick your ass.” I hissed out not needing anymore acknowledgement of my problem.

She laughs. “Good to see you to Wildcat.”

I groaned. “I hate that name.” It was part of everything I had been trying to escape from.

“I’m pretty sure that’s why no one gets to pick out their own nicknames.” She says as she pulls the car away and begins to drive.

I laughed. “That’s true.” I said before taking a deep breath. “So what was so urgent that you had to meet up with me?”

“You are not going to like it.” She says as she nods to the iPad sitting in between us on the center counsel.

“I figured as much.” I say with all traces of laughter gone. I picked up the iPad and unlocked it.

I watch as she presses a button on the center counsel to make sure any and all listening or recording devices are shut down before we speak.

“File number one two six three four eight seven eight is the one that you want.” She says as makes a right turn.

I opened up the file that she told me to and saw it was some information about my years as a mercenary. It was surveillance of me. I swallowed as I swiped across the screen to see the next page. My heart stopped as I kept swiping. It was pictures of me dating back to right after S.H.I.E.L.D fell has I swiped again and saw pictures of me just about everywhere,

“I download everything they had while I could without calling attention to myself.” She says as she turns again.

“Who had all of this?” I questioned as I set the iPad down. I felt like I was going to be sick. I had tried so hard to out run all of this and yet here it was again.

“Coulson and the Avengers, I originally thought that Hydra hds been slowly leaking the information to them in hopes that they can plant seeds of doubt about your loyalty.” She says as she makes a left turn. “Turns out it is them keeping tabs on you.” She states.

I let out a hollow laugh. “I do not think that it can get that much worse, but is there more I need to know?”

“Something big is about to go down. Hydra has a huge plan and from all the intelligence I have been hearing chatter over you are about to be in the middle of it along with the Winter Soldier.” She says and I can since her fear for me. “This means they are going to continue to watch you. You really need to be watching out for yourself better.”

I scrub a hand over my face. “I had a hunch about that.”

“Coulson does not know I know. I thought you at least deserved a heads up.” She says giving me a tight smile.

I nod as I glance out the window to see we are turning back onto my street. “That’s why he put the offer on the table.” I say as I slam my head back against my head rest.

“I’m sorry Y/N.” She says as she pulls to a stop.

I shrug. “Thanks for the heads up Bobbi.” I say as I climb out of the car. I turn to look at her. “Do us both a favor and delete that and don’t keep looking. I would rather them just go after me then you.” I say as I slam the door shut. I quickly jog across the street and head back into my building.

If Coulson knew that mean Steve knew. Idiot, I scolded at myself. Steve was trying to keep his eye on you. All fantasies of Steve and I dissipated as reality sunk in. I was being played. I walked up the stairs I was going to need to start training again like a mercenary.

I needed to be prepared at all times when they came. I needed to get back onto my A game or I was going to get myself killed over sentiment. Sentiment was not something I could afford until the real traitor is revealed.

I set my bag down as I walk in. I was going to have to train harder than I have been.


	14. Where the Line Blurs: Punch to the Gut

** Y/N's POV**

 **  
**

It has been two weeks since I saw Steve. Two weeks since Bobbi told me that Coulson was keeping tabs on me. After talking to Bobbi I decided it was best not to engage in any activity related to tracking down Hydra or Bucky as it would just make me seem more suspicious.  I cancelled on Steve numerous amount of times to help him find Bucky. Finally after I cancelled on him the ninth time Steve stopped calling picking up on the message I was not going to help him anymore two days ago.

 _Damn the man. "I'm sorry Steve. I just can't. Finding Bucky just-" I pinched the bridge of my nose. "I can't."  After my talk with Bobbi I was not going to risk anything.  
_

_"Y/N what is going on?" He asks with concern in his voice.  
_

_I shake my head. I was not going to do this with him. I was not letting him in, not when I thought we had been becoming friends but he was just trying to keep an eye on me. "Nothing. Look I already told Coulson I was done. I just can't do it." Yeah, I can't be around people who are constantly trying to catch me off guard and_ _condemn me for something that I was not even remotely involved in. "That also means it is best for me to stay out of finding Bucky."_

 _"Y/N he was your friend too." Steve points out._

 _I swallow and let out a sigh. "It is best if I don't."  
_

_"Y/N I th-"  
_

_"Goodbye Steve." I say before I hang up on him not allowing him to finish whatever plea he had._ _Besides I was training in case I was framed and had to disappear. I needed to be prepared for whatever came my way next._

 I glanced at the clock and sighed ten minutes before I had to get up. I could not afford for them to dig into my past at this point and after finding out about the file they had I was not sure I could trust Steve. If he knew what Coulson knew about me there was no way we would be friends, much less allies. Not to mention if I helped it may be harder for me to help Bucky, who I had not seen since the night Steve came to my place.

I groaned as my alarm blared from the opposite side of the bed signaling that it was time for me to get my ass in gear. After two weeks you'd think I would be disciplined enough to be used to this, but no I was not. I rolled over to the left side of the bed and stretched pulling both of my arms over my head.

I sighed and hit the sleep button on the alarm clock. I throw my legs over the side of the bed and stood up. I glanced at the clock reading 5:15 am and groaned.

I moved over to my dresser on the other side of the room and pulled open the second drawer. I grabbed out a pair of black athletic shorts, a hot pink sports bra, and a hot pink cut off t-shirt and set them on top of the dresser. I quickly undressed and pulled my pajama shirt off. I slipped on my shorts and tugged my sports bra on before shutting the drawer. I quickly opened up the top drawer and grabbed a pair of matching socks before closing the drawer and heading out of my room.

As I padded towards the living room I stopped in the kitchen and opened a drawer in the island to pull out my headphones and arm band. I moved towards the door and slipped on my black Nike's. I grabbed my phone and keys before heading out the door.

I shut the door and began to walk outside. As I made my way down the stairs I put my headphones on and plugged them into my phone. I carefully slipped my phone into the arm band and tugged it onto my left arm. As I got out the door I bent down on my stoop to tie my shoes. I nonchalantly looked around. I noticed the same  man down the street to my left watching me and an SUV on my right also just like they have been doing every day for the last two weeks. I continued to take in details of my surroundings while I switched to tie the opposite shoe.

I jogged down from the steps and headed to the left towards the gym that Fury had introduced me to when I first joined up with S.H.I.E.L.D. I kept a brisk pace as I headed there. I shook the tail I had on me within the first twenty minutes, like usual. There was no way in hell I wanted them to find this place. It was my sanctuary away from S.H.I.E.L.D. I smiled as I stopped in front of the old run down gym.

I glanced around to make sure that I was indeed alone before retrieving the key from its hiding place. I slipped inside and headed to where I had a stash of equipment. I looked around and noticed a line of punching bags on the ground. Hardly any one came here; in fact I am sure that only a few people know of its existence. Most people just assume that it is an empty ran down building.

As I headed to the locker room I began to unstrap my arm band and pulled my headphones out. Not only was this exercise going to help me get back my A game but it was going to allow me to clear my head from everything. Especially all of my thoughts of Steve. 

As I entered the small locker room I went to my lucky number fourteen and pulled out my duffel bag. I retrieved my wrap for my hands and retrieved the gun that I had before tucked them under my arm. I carefully set my phone, arm band, and keys into my duffel before putting it away.

I headed back out onto the main floor of the gym. I set the wrap and my gun down close enough for me to make a grab for it but far enough that I would not accidentally set it off. I carefully grabbed one of the bags and hung it up. I picked up my wrap and wrapped up both my hands as to insure I did not bruise my knuckles too badly.

I started off with a few jabs for each hand before moving into doing hooks with each hand. As I found my rhythm I could feel the energy and adrenaline rushing through my veins. After a while I moved away from them into knee strikes.

After about an hour of being along I heard the door open. I quickly unwrapped one of my hands and retrieved my gun. In the two weeks that I have returned to work out not a single person had come here. Damn, either Rumlow got tired of waiting for me to accept his offer or Coulson had decided I was a traitor. I moved to the pillar that was next to where my bag was sitting on the floor. I waited in silence. I heard a single pair of footsteps approach. Dear god please don’t be Brock.

I waited as I glanced around the pillar to see a guy in a black sweatshirt and matching pants approach. I took a deep breath as I wait for him to walk past me before cocking the gun. Upon hearing the noise the man freezes but does not turn to face me.

I made sure to keep a far enough distance so he did not turn around and grab the gun seeing as he was much larger than me. “Who are you?” I said coldly as I glared at his back. Thankfully I knew the man in the hood was not Brock Rumlow upon seeing how tall he was.

The man seemed frozen but as I stared longer at him I took in the broad width of his shoulders and narrow waist. He seemed familiar to me. If there was any possibility that I knew him I was not going to be able to shot him without seeing his face first. I took a step forward, as my gaze landed on his ass. Shit I did know this guy.

Before I could lower my gun the man turned and grabbed the gun. I let the man pin me knowing he was not a threat. The man’s hood began to fall as he pinned my arms above my head on the pillar behind me. I noticed his familiar blue eyes first before I could do anything I could feel the coolness of the pillar on my back. I watched as the man’s hood fell all the way down revealing the rest of the familiar face.

“Are you insane? I could have shot you.” I growl out. My god I almost shot Steve. I feel all the blood rush out of my face. Wouldn’t that just prove Coulson right? I thought bitterly.

“Says the woman who has no gun.” Steve says as he takes the gun out of my hand keeping one hand on my pinned up arms he flipped the safety of the gun on and set it on the floor before kicking it away from us.

I lean my head up against the pillar in relief. Not sure if the relief coursing through my veins was from saving my own ass or not shooting Steve. I closed my eyes because I knew it was the latter one, which only made me more anxious.

Besides a Clint, Nat, Fury, May, and Bucky I never worried about hurting those around me. Now somehow in the past few months Steve Rogers has made that list, regardless of me not wanting to help him. The question was  why do I want to trust him even with all I knew?

“It’s okay Y/N.” he says releasing my arms.

I look up at his eyes and he is giving me an earnest expression. I ignore my own internal debate as I force myself to glare at him. “I almost shot you.” I growl out as I push past him I bend over and pick up the wrap for my arm. I quickly re wrap it and return to punching the bag. God, why could I not get away from him? 

 

“You didn’t.” He says as I punch the bag. “You could have before I turned around but you didn’t, why?”

I shrug and continue to punch the bag. There was no way I was telling him I may have recognized him by his ass. That would only imply that I have spent a large amount of time staring at it, not that it would not be true. “I thought there was something familiar about you.” I say shortly.

He nods as if in understanding. “So how did you know about this place?” He asks as if I had not almost killed him five minutes ago.

I stopped punching the bag to look at him. Was I supposed to act like I had not almost shot him? Because the truth was it left me pretty shaken. Usually I would just brush it off but it really got under my skin that it was Steve on the other side of the barrel and not some random person. I stared at him for a while before answering trying to get my thoughts under control.

“Fury introduced me to it when I first was recruited.” I said as I started to hit the bag again. Out of the corner of my eye I watched as Steve moved next to me then behind the bag to hold it still. Could the man just leave? I came here to clear my head of him and everything.

“It works better if two people do this.” He says.

I glare at him. “I don’t need your help Rogers.” I mutter out.

“Take this as you owe me for almost shooting me.” He says causing me to laugh.

I stop punching the bag and stare at him. “I am sorry. If I would have known it was you I wouldn-“

“I know Y/N.” He says nodding towards the bag. “Now, continue.”

“How do you know?” I ask as I practiced my jabs and made sure to avoid eye contact. How can he be sure if he did not trust me?

"You are not the kind of person to shoot someone for the hell of it." 

I rolled my eyes. "You don't know me Rogers." I mutter as I hit the bag again. I had to admit it was easier to do with him holding it.

"You know, I thought so too." 

I stop hitting the bag and stare at him. Damn, the man looked good. His hair was shorter and he seemed to be just as comfortable in his tight fighting jeans as he was in his suit.

"I think I know you better than most." He says stepping away from the bag.

What the hell did that mean? A few weeks ago he could have sworn  I was the devil. "You don't." I knew I was not going to get my workout done with him here. I unwrapped both of my hands. "I think I am done. Gym's all yours Rogers." I say moving towards my bag.

I swallowed as I tossed the wrap into my bag not bothering to roll it up nicely. I bent down and began to sift through my bag looking for the stuff I had brought with me.

"I came to talk to you."  He says moving away  from the punching bag and towards me.

Fuck. Why could this not be easy? Couldn't he just take the hint? I took a deep breath as I shoved my wraps into my bag. "About?" 

"Bucky." He says crossing his arms underneath his chest.

"Ste-" I start but as I turn my face up to talk to him I stop speaking. I turn and retrieve my phone, keys, arm band, and headphones from the bag before looking back up at him. His face had an impassive look on it as though anything I could have possibly said would not have mattered but his eyes told a different story entirely.

"What made you change your mind? I mean a few weeks ago you were more than happy to help and now..." He stops and shakes his head at me. "and now you seem to be avoiding it."

I push off of my knees and stand up. "Let it go Rogers." I say  grabbing my bag from the ground and heading towards the locker room to put it away. I hear Steve follow me to the locker room.

"No." He growls out. "What made you change your mind?"

I roll my eyes as I yank open the locker door in annoyance before tossing my bag in and slamming the door shut. I turned and came face to face with Steve rogers casually leaning in the doorway. "I don't want a target on my back."

"Y/N..."

I shake my head and brush past him. Two weeks and I was still getting overwhelmed over the man and all he was doing was leaning in the doorway.  "I'm not helping you Rogers."

Steve grabs my arm gently as I pass behind him. "Why?"

"I tol-"

"You also told me that you don't lie, so which is the truth?" He says bringing himself to stand at full height.

Damn, he had me there. I never lied, even when I was a mercenary, it made things to messy. I learned a long time ago that messy leads to dangerous places and not places that I wanted to go to. "Fine, I don't trust you." I say. It was not a lie, it just was not the whole truth. I stare at his face and see a moment of shock at my words.

Steve releases my arm. "Why?"

 

Way to go Y/N, you practically showed him your hand. It is not like I can say because I know you are watching me.  I study his face his voice had seemed shocked but his facial expression was caught between hurt and curiosity. "Why don't I trust you?" I ask buying myself a few moments to think it through.

"Yes." He says simply.

"I don't trust you because for the last two weeks someone has been putting a tail on me. I know it was not Hydra because I would have been taken or killed, they hate loose ends. They believe it is too messy." I say as I slip my arm band on my left arm and plug my headphones into my phone. "So that leaves S.H.I.E.L.D and you."

I watch as my words register across his face confirming my fears, Steve was just babysitting me."Y/N-"

"Save it Rogers. Trust works both ways." I say as I shove my phone and keys into my arm band and hold onto my headphones.

"I am not following you Y/N." He says but the look on his face again belies his words. He may not have sent the men to keep an eye on me but he did know that  they were and that made it all the worst.

"No, but you are keeping an eye out while Coulson looks into my past." I watch as his eyes widened. I had not meant to say that. "Yeah, that is what I thought Rogers." I say turning and heading out of the building. 


	15. Where the Line Blurs: Face Your Demons

**Y/N's POV**

As I headed out of the building I place my headphones into my ears and begin to make my way back to my condo at a brisk jog. I knew that Steve was not going to follow me so there was no need for me to sprint, not like I could out run him any way.

 

I sighed, people had a lot of reasons to doubt my loyalty and nobody except me put them there. I knew I should not be angry with Steve, when this whole thing was my own doing. Yeah, Steve may have known and that did make me angry but his wariness was not to be unexpected. Him showing up at the gym to seek me out shows that he does at least trust me enough to help find Bucky, and maybe I should take that as sign of good faith.

 

Besides, Bobbi's information was that S.H.I.E.L.D and Coulson were the ones actively digging into my past and trying to get me to slip, not Steve. Steve had never once tried to manipulate me into a situation, he was honest. Well, honest when I asked the right question.

 

If all that was true then why was I so angry with Steve about this when I knew Coulson was the one keeping tabs on me? Granted in the years I have known both men I have not done anything wrong. Not to mention, I am not the same person I was all those years ago. The person who did all those things they held against me no longer existed.

 

That’s a lie, a voice said in the back of my mind. I was still terrified that no one understood the pain I had went through besides Bucky. I was scared that I was not going to find somewhere where I belonged due to having them judge me on a constant basis.

 

I stopped running a block and a half away from the gym I turned and stared to see Steve standing alone. I just always thought that the Steve Rogers would understand where I am coming from, which was probably part of the reason I started to refuse to help him.

 

I groaned as the words that always motivated me to do the right thing rang in my mind.

 

_I shook my head vehemently. I had tutors since I was four and no my parents decided it was time to join kids my own age. “I just want to go home.”_

_“Sweetie you can go home after school.” She says squeezing my hand._

_“I don’ w-“_

_“Listen to me Y/N. “ She said as she knelt down in front of me. “I know that this is scary.” She says smiling and rubbing her hand across my cheek. “But you can’t run away.”_

_My shoulders dropped as the tears started. “I’m not running mama.”_

_“You’re scared, right?” She asks_

_I nod my head yes as the tears fall down my face. I had never really hung out with other kids. Didn’t know any. The only people I actually knew where my parents, my godfather, and my nanny Maria._

_“Running away from what frightens you only scares you more sweetheart.” She says pulling me into a hug. “Face what scares you head on always that will always make daddy and I proud.” She says pulling away and kissing me on my forehead._

_I nod._

_I watch my mother smile as my dad came up behind her. He smiled down at my mom placing a kiss on her head and whispering something in her ear. He then turned to look at me. “How are you doing their kitten?” He asked with worry written all over his face._

_“I-“ I looked at my mom and she had an odd smile on her face. “I’m going to do it.”_

_My dad’s smile widened in response. “That’s my girl, the bravest and smartest of them all.” He says before picking me up and spinning me around. He set me down. “Now go give them he-“_

_I watched as my mother hit my fathers chest. “Don’t even finish that sentence.” She says before smiling at me and waving me to run inside._

_I turn and run towards where the rest of the kids were, but stopped halfway there and turned to see my dad holding my mom who looked like she was crying. I quickly ran back towards them._

_Upon hearing my footsteps they both looked up._

_“Kitten…” My dad says before pulling away from my mom and kneeling on the ground._

_I run at him and wrap my arms around his neck “I love you daddy.” I say as he wraps his arms around me. “I’m going to miss you.”_

_I feel his arms tighten at my words. “I love you too kitten and I promise I am going to miss you more than you will miss me.” He says as he stands._

_I look and see my mom crying. She bends down and picks me up._

_“I love you too mama.” I say holding her._

_“I love you too baby.” She says pulling away to stare at me. “I’m going to miss you but I promise daddy and I will be back soon.”_

_I stick my hand out with my pinky up.” Promise?”_

_She laughs despite the tears. “You have been spending way too much time with your father but yes I promise.” She says hooking her pinky in mine before setting me down. “You have to promise not to run away.”_

_I nod and keep our pinky’s hooked. “Deal.” I said before running back to the school._

_“We love you.” She shouts._

_I smile and wave. “I know mama.”_

 

Damn it. If I was ever to prove to Steve that I was not that person and that I could be trusted I was not going to be able to shrink away from him. I was going to have to help him and show him that I am trustworthy. Prove to him beyond a shadow of a doubt I was not a traitor. Once I had Steve in my corner I was sure to get a lot of other people to trust me as well.

 

I groaned and head back towards Steve. But I was going to do it on my terms. I was going to help Steve in anyway I could but I was not going out of my way to help Coulson out. Coulson was not getting any help from me.

 

As I get jog closer to him I register the look of shock on his face at my return. Yeah, you and me both buddy. I paused my music when a stood only a few feet away from him.“Rog-“

 

Steve scrubs a hand over his face. “No you are right. I should have told you, but I wasn't sure about you. Then I wanted it both ways. I wanted your help and for you to trust me but I was not willing to do the same, I was wrong Y/N. I was being selfish and I understand you not being able to work with me.” Steve drops his head to his chest in shame.

 

Well, at least we agree on all of those points. “Good, I am glad that we are in agreement.” I took a deep breath and pull my headphones out of my ears. “Look, I don’t lie and I don’t pull my punches Rogers so listen carefully. I understand you not trusting me, that’s on me for what that is worth. However, I don’t appreciate you going behind my back. If you have questions about me then ask. Yeah, I may opt to say no and not answer but I will give you a reason why.”

 

“I get tha-“

 

“I’m not done.” I growled out glaring at him. If I was going to do this I needed to trudge through what I had to so. “As for helping you I am willing to do so, because I hate going back on my word. But, you and I are going to have to trust each other. We are going to have to communicate, no more secrets. Deal?” I ask sticking my hand out for him to shake.

 

He nods and places his hand in mine. “Deal.”

 

"Good." I say as I pull my hand away.

 

I watch Steve as he lets his arm fall to his side. "Does that mean you are going to work with Coulson as well?" He asks carefully.

 

I study his face contemplating telling him what I was going to do. I followed my own words, I was going to have to trust him. "No."

 

Steve nods but does not say anything else but I can tell that he wants to.

 

I sigh. "Look Coulson isn't going to trust me no matter what I do and there is no way in hell I'm going to put myself at risk for someone who isn't sure if they have my back."

 

Steve nods again. "I get that. Look I have a few files that Sam was able to dig up back at the tower. There are a lot of blacked out spots but maybe you can figure out more than we could." Steve pauses and studies me before continuing. "So why don't I swing by and pick them up and we can look at them at your place?" He says running his hand through his hair.

 

Not what I expected to happen at all. Maybe, that was why he did it. "That's fine."

 

"Do you want a ride back?" He asks warily as he glances down at me.

 

I laugh a little. "No thanks, I need the workout sense you seemed to have disrupted mine. I'll see you in an hour then?"

I start walking backwards and away from him.

He nods but seems to want to say something else. I slip my headphones in and take back off in the direction of my condo. I was going to be way in over my head soon, I just hope I am making the right decision and not going to end up shooting myself in the foot later.


	16. Where the Line Blurs: Bonding

As I finished up my shower and dressed in new athletic shorts and a black tank top. I moved to the kitchen and glanced out the window. I shook my head as I spotted the tail I had lost on my way to the gym. I rolled my eyes Coulson really needed to train them better, they were way too easy to spot.

 

As I stepped away from the window and away from their stupidity turning my thoughts on what was going to happen today. I knew this was the right way to do things. Got me closer to keeping an eye on Bucky and I would be keeping my word to trust Steve. I scrubbed a hand over my face I let very few people in and Steve Rogers is now on that list, well somewhat. I pushed away from the counter as I heard a knock on the door.

 

I padded over to the door and checked to make sure it was Steve before opening it to let Steve into my condo. I looked at him questionably as he held up a bag of food that smelled delicious and was held a carrier in the other hand that contained two large steaming drinks, which by the smell it was coffee. As I continued to eye the food in his hand he laughs.

 

I avert my eyes from the food and look at Steve who has a genuine smile and was shaking his head at my observing him. “It’s a peace offering.”

 

I let out a small laugh and smile. “Peace offering? “

 

“Yeah, for ruining your work out earlier.”

 

I laughed louder and stepped out of the doorway to let him in. “So your logic is that since you ruined my work out you would bring me fattening food?” I say as he enters the room. Seems like work would be on the back burner for now, not that I minded whatever the bag contained smelled delicious.  


I watched as he processed my words and laughed grabbing the bag of delicious smelling food and one of the coffees from his hand. “I’m not usually this easy Rogers but I’m starving and this bag smells amazing.” I said padding to my kitchen and setting the bag down on the counter as my stomach growls to emphasize my point making Steve laugh once more.

 

As I open the bag I glance up to see that Steve had set the drink carrier on the counter and was taking off a backpack. How much had Sam found exactly? I quirked an eyebrow at him as I opened the bag and bit back a moan, my god it smelt delicious. My mouth was practically watering as the smell just increased. I pulled the two sandwiches out and slid one across the island to Steve.

 

I hear a laugh followed quickly by a cough and glance up in time to see a smirk on Steve’s face before it disappears. Whoever said this man was innocent did not know him. He was a little shit as far as I could tell. Yeah, a little shit I still wanted to sleep with a voice in the back of my head said.

 

“I brought everything we’ve found.” He says as he sets it down and takes the sandwich from the counter. “We’ve kept everything on paper.”

 

I nod in understanding. That was probably the safest thing; neither Sam nor Steve could operate a system that had an encryption that couldn’t be hacked. Hydra would probably have used it against him or used him to locate Bucky faster and use him for their own purposes.

 

“It’s also easier. I mean I like technology and all but…”

 

“Sometimes it’s a little much.” I say as I study him. This was something new for both of us. I mean we did have our moments over the last couple of weeks but this was different. We were both trying to adjust to the idea of being friends and working together.

 

He nods and gives a small chuckle. “You know when I woke up I never thought things could change this much. Maybe it’s just because I wasn’t expecting it.” He says as he takes a bite out of his sandwich.

 

I took a large bite out of my sandwich. His words seemed to pull at my curiosity. A lot had changed, hell a lot has changed now while he’s been unfrozen. “Can I ask you something?”

 

Steve smirks a little. “You just did.”

  
“Other than that.” The man was a sarcastic little shit.

 

Steve nods as he takes a drink.

 

“You still haven’t come to terms with it, have you?”

 

Steve shrugs and smiles at me. It was such a practice smiled that it made me want to wince. I hoped to god when I give my fake smile it doesn’t look like it causes me that much pain.

 

“Does your face hurt when you do that?”

 

Steve’s eyes widened at my words.

 

“It’s just it looks so rehearsed. Come on Rogers, it’s so fake your making my jaw hurt.” I say as I take another bite out of my bacon egg and cheese bagel.

 

He finishes his sandwich before replying. “Some day’s I have, come to terms that is. Other days I just…”

 

“Wonder what if.” I say studying him. How many people knew that the great Captain America felt like that? My guess the only person besides myself that picked up on it was Sam.

 

“Yeah, not many people know that feeling of being utterly alone in world where everyone feels so connected.” He says as he takes a drink of coffee and shrugs. “

 

“Trust me, there are a lot more people than you think.” I say as I take a long drink of my coffee. “But for you I think you just need someone who can help you through it. From what I can tell Rogers you don’t trust that many people, and coming from me that says something.”

 

Steve gives me a small smile. “I think I may have found someone.”

 

We both finish our meal in silence. But, I can’t help but comb through memories of Steve I never paid much attention to before because we hadn’t gotten along. He always looked a little lost. There were moments when he would have this look on his face and it would disappear just as fast.

 

I can feel Steve’s eyes on me and look up at him. “Why do you keep looking at me like that?” I questioned. Not that I felt self-conscious I am pretty comfortable in my own skin but he seemed to have a question that he wasn’t sure how to ask.

 

“You seem different, that’s all. I get these glimpse of you and I blink and your someone else. Like the day we went to the warehouse or even when we flew to the Hydra bunker. Then you change to the woman I meet the first day.” He says shrugging but I know he was fishing for the reason I seemed more open.

 

I shrugged my shoulders. I really wasn’t he was just seeing the ‘real’ me just like the night at the diner. “I’m really not, showing glimpses that is. I am that person but I am also more than that and you are just seeing that now.” I sighed and picked up my coffee and took a sip contemplating my next words.

 

It’s not that I am a completely different person, it’s just that I couldn’t show all aspects of my personality when I wasn’t ‘working’ or being tested. Most people saw me as a monster and I played it up so they wouldn’t look any closer. That was the person he saw the first day we meet.

 

“When I was an agent, even when I started working unofficially for the new S.H.I.E.L.D under Coulson, I always felt like I had to look over my shoulder and watch my own back because not many people would have mine. Not that I blamed them, I did some pretty bad things, actually I did that stuff for S.H.I.EL.D too.” I took a drink letting him digest that because what I had to say was probably-no it was going to surprise him. “The point is, I just used it to my advantage, I showed them who they assumed I was some no nonsense emotionless being who didn’t care. Which, in all honesty most of the time I didn’t care. But, you’re right I’m different because your just now getting to see all of me, and not that many people get to see that.“ I paused and gestured around my condo. “The biggest thing is I may act like I have it all together Rogers, but that’s far from the truth. I’m pretty fucked up and you’re just getting to see that. You’re just seeing who I really am now because I am trying to trust you, and believe me that isn’t something I do easily.”

 

I watch as Steve takes a drink not replying to my words. “I get that. People perceive you based on your past. Believe, me I know what that is like and I am sorry about being one of those people.”

 

I shrug. “That’s okay I always thought of you as Mr. Straight-laced, turns out we both misjudged each other.” I say as I grab both of our garbage and place it in the bag before moving over to my garbage can and dumping it in there. As far as I could tell the Steve that was sitting in my kitchen was not the same one who had a museum dedicated to him. This man had rough edges that most people would miss if they didn’t look close enough. Hell, he was not the same man I thought he was.

 

“Let’s go set up in the living room.”

 

I watch as Steve collects his bag but I can tell he’s deep in thought. “Steve…” I say hoping I didn’t trigger something.

 

He locks eyes with me. “When I thought I had lost Buck all those years ago I questioned a lot of what I did to join the war. Then he did things, well I did things that I am not exactly proud of.” Steve says as he leans back against my counter trying to make his larger frame more comfortable. “I blamed myself for losing Bucky, still do.” He chuckles as he runs his hand over his face. “The thing I’m trying to say is that it changed me. Then waking up I changed again I was trying to…I am still trying to figure out who I am.” Steve stopped and chuckled. “I actually have no idea what I am saying.”

 

But I did. I knew exactly what he was saying. “I do. That person that everyone sees you as was you, it isn’t anymore. You changed because circumstances forced you to, you adapted. Then you had to adapt again, but people were putting you in that box so you stayed.” I scrunched up my face. “You let them think you stayed the same person but you aren’t. The problem you’re running into is that you don’t know who you are, well at least outside of being Captain America.”

 

Steve nods before giving me a smirk. “Seems you know me better than most.”

 

I roll my eyes. “I think it’s only fair, as you said you know me better than most.”

 

Steve moves past me and heads to the living room. “Now that we’ve covered that we should get started.”

 

I shake my head as I follow him. I watch as he begins to unpack the bag and organizes the piles on top of the coffee table.

 

“Sam and I have been hunting down leads since the fall”

 

“I figured as much.” I say as I move some of the files to make room for the rest. “Question.”  


Steve stopped pulling things out of the back pack and set it down. “What?”

 

“How the hell did your back pack not break with all of the in it?” Seriously that thing should be splitting at the seams.

 

Steve let out a laugh. “You know…” He shook his head and put his hands on his hips. “That’s a good question.” He says as he sits down on the couch.

 

I laughed and sat down. “I thought so too. Now, what exactly is all of this stuff?”

 

“A few things are tips that have been sent in to the Pentagon about Bucky.”

 

I quirked an eyebrow. How the hell had Steve gotten his hand on them then?

 

“I didn’t.” He says nodding towards the stuff. “Sam has a friend that works there that owed him a few dozen favors.”

 

“What about the files?” I asked as picked one up. It was in Russian, luckily I knew it.

 

“Natasha, she pulled a few strings and got us some of them.” Steve picks up a stack and flips it over. “Most of the stuff comes from google.”

 

I laughed and then covered it with a cough. “Oh?”

 

Steve rolls his eyes but there is still a smile on his face. “Yeah, I know but a lot of people say they are spotting him so we just use the information.”

 

“Yeah, I’m sure it’s easier than trying to hack into the Pentagon.” I moved closer and begin to study the files stared at the files that Steve spread out on my living room table. I noticed a lot of the pictures were out of focus. I opened the file I previously grabbed and noted a lot of the writing was black out.

 

“The problem that we are running into is that we can’t get through all of the bad ones to weed out the tips and leads that actually have something.”

 

I scanned through the file that was on my lap and closed it to look at the file cover page, it was from Kiev.

 

“I take these are all from Nat?” I said indicating to the file in front of me.

 

“She pulled a few strings.”

 

I nod as my eyes picked up a file on the coffee table. I set down the files in my hand and picked it up the one that read Операция красный снег.

 

“What?” Steve said with concern laced in his voice.

 

“This was one of the missions that happened right before they started assigning me to work with Bucky. Operation Red Snow, I’m surprised she got her hands on this.” Actually it was surprised this existed because the people-Hydra had royal fucked it up.

 

“Natasha said the same thing.” Steve said as he set the file in his own hand down. “What was it?”

 

“The assassination of one of the members of the S.H.I.E.L.D council.” I said as I locked eyes with him. “His name was Connor Snow it was supposed to be an easy in and easy out but from what I heard things were far more complex than had been expected. I actually turned down the job because I had just got off another job.”I laughed a little it was actually a funny story. “Thing was even Hydra had been caught off guard by what actually happened…” I set the file down. “It went south fast. It ended up being a blood bath, a lot of people died. S.H.I.E.L.D ended up taking credit for it and told the public it was a deep cover operation to infiltrate a terrorist organization. Because as it turned out Snow was actually working with a terrorist organization called the Ten Rings all the people who died were moles in other governments that were also working for the Ten Rings. Which, is the same group that later abducted Stark and helped him become Iron Man.” Steve looked confused on why it was weird. “I think Nat and I are both surprised because it turned out anywhere was this shows that they help S.H.I.E.L.D and it’s one of the few times they messed up. They thought by sending Bucky in to kill Snow it would cause chaos instead they furthered along S.H.I.E.L.D’s agenda. They actually saved thousands, if not millions, of lives.”

 

Steve chuckled a little. “So something that was meant to be disastrous actually ended up saving lives?”

 

I laughed with him. “Yeah, I guess.” I reached for another file. “You can see why that may be a problem for them.”

 

“Yeah…” He says as he picks up another file.

 

After four hours of sifting through the pile of blurry photos realizing only a handful could possibly be Bucky I wondered how Steve was coping with all of this. I reached for another picture but as I picked it up a file that had an unopened seal on it fell off the table. That was odd, I picked it up without looking at the name and glanced at the other files. This one looked different than the rest.

 

I looked down at the file and read the name, alarm bells went off in my mind. I opened the file as nonchalantly as possible. This was not an operation that Bucky par took in. Someone must have planted this on Steve to plant seeds of doubt.  Just like someone sent us to that warehouse and the Hydra bunker.

 

This was my last mission with Rumlow, as a mercenary. I bit my lip contemplating sharing with Steve. A better question was why would they give him this file? Unless, they didn’t know what was actually in the file. “Steve how did you get this file?”

 

Steve looked up from the file he had been staring at and I held it up so he could read the name. “I don’t recognize it, why?” He looked back at the other files just as I had confusion written on his face.

 

“Because this wasn’t Bucky’s.” At Steve’s puzzled look I continued. “It’s mine.”

 

Steve freezes. “What do you mean?”  


“I mean Bucky wasn’t on this operation, I was.” I say waiting for my words to sink in. “Why would someone give you this?” I asked knowing that Steve had no idea what the file contained, as it was unopened.

 

“Are you sure this is-“

 

“Positive, I recognize the operation name.” I nod. If someone was trying to plant doubt then hiding this file would make it look worse than showing it to Steve. “I-this was my one of my last missions before I joined S.H.I.E.L.D.” I hold out the file and motion for him to open it.

 

“Why would someone want me to have it?” Steve asked the very same question that was in my thoughts.

 

“That’s my question.” Other than Rumlow being involved this file actually made me to look like a somewhat decent person. “The thing is I don’t think they know what’s in it other than the fact Rumlow was involved.” I say as I hand it to him. They wanted him to see it then I was going to let him. Not like I could change it, not that I would either.

 

“Rumlow?”

 

It would just be easier if I explained it all to him. “First off, I didn’t know I was working for Hydra or that he was at that time. Just putting that out there.” I say putting my hands up in mock defense. “The details were pretty simple, fee of two million dollars to hack into the mainframe and download the encrypted files, collect the asset and bring him in. Easy in. Easy out.”

 

“Two million?” Steve questioned.

 

I winced, sadly that was one of the smaller paying jobs but I wasn’t voicing that thought out loud to Steve. “Yeah, upon completion, otherwise you only for five hundred thousand.”

 

“Right…” Steve says.

 

I can’t help but feel a little bad I mean I made enough money that I am classified as a millionaire. “Anyway, the point is he was an upper level corrupted British scientist, he apparently found a better offer and they wanted him to…reconsider. We executed the plan perfectly until…” I paused I really hated this part. “Until I saw Brocks job.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Turns out we were both assigned to do different things. After I hacked the mainframe and download the necessary files I went looking for the asset because Rumlow was taking too damn long in finding him.”

 

“So he did his task?”

 

“He tried, I stopped him.” I sighed. “I have one rule, always have, I don’t kill innocents. I research each job before I except to ensure that. I may have killed a lot of people but all of them were bad guys.” I paused as I let my words sink in. “Rumlow never had a problem as far as I could tell. He would do the job to whatever extent. Honestly, other than me most mercenaries are like that.”

 

“What happened?”

 

“Rumlow apparently had been hired for a different job. I took the elevator down to the lab, in the process I ran into several dead bodies, all shot point blank. As I reached the lab I saw the asset knocked out cold and his assistants shoot in front of me after the handed Rumlow a file. All we were supposed to do was grab the guy, period. That was all I signed up for. If civilians got in the way you knock them out, you don’t shoot them, and there were at least twelve dead bodies, not including the three he shot. Since it was only the two of us it was pretty easy to figure out who did it.” I picked up the side of my shorts and showed Steve the scar I had from Brock. “We fought and Brock joined the asset shortly. I delivered the guy to a safe house and one of my mercenary pals who owed me a favor helped him disappear.”

 

 

Steve glanced down at the file and opened it up and searched through it in silence. “I don’t understand why someone thought this was so important.”

 

“Pretty sure it was because of Rumlow.” I say as I pick up other files to sort through.

  


“You’re probably right but it makes no sense. I already knew you guys worked together. Whoever gave me this, they thought that it would make me trust you less.”

 

“That file illustrates that we worked together a lot.” I said nodding towards it as I opened one of the files that I picked up.

 

“That may be true, but I already knew that. I trust you Y/N.”

 

I look up at him at his words. “I trust you to, or I would’ve hid the file. Anyway, that’s not why we are here. I’ve been thinking I may know of an easier way to sort through some of this. I have a contact who could help. He wrote a computer program that is like…” I tried to think of something to compare it to. “it’s like a digital tracker. It could be helpful at least as far as the pictures and social media is concerned.”

 

“I’m not going to let you call in your favor on this.”

 

I bit back sigh of relief at the change of subject. “Let me, he was my friend too. Besides, this guy owes me a few favors and would be more than happy that this is one of them.”

 

“Alright.”

 

I pulled out my phone and dialed. “It’s your lucky day. I’m calling one of my chips in.”


	17. Where the Line Blurs: Morale

Steve’s POV

  
I watched as Y/N talked to her contact about the program. Taking a look at her place it seemed to be much like her a little bit of everything. It was perfect, relaxed feel not like anything I would have guessed it would have been like. I walked down the hall to the bedroom looking at the walls I saw pictures of her life a picture of her and what I assumed to be her parents smiling. Further down closer to her room there was a picture of Nick Fury and her laughing at a young age eating ice cream. Another picture with her, Nat, and Clint at a bar drinking beer. The pictures showed a different side of her a lighter side that seemed to be untouched by the violence in her life. There seemed to be a lot more to her than she let on, she seemed to not want to let people in.

  
I stopped at the doorway of the bedroom not wanting to invade not only her privacy but imagine what possibilities could take place. I closed my eyes remembering the first time I actually met Y/N before I knew about her reputation or what other people understood about her past without actually knowing about her.  
I leaned against the bar waiting for the bartender to bring me back a whiskey on the rocks hoping for some solstice of peace and praying that the party would end soon. I hated these things, I never really felt a part of it.

  
_“Wow…you look like a ray of sunshine.” A feminine voice said behind me with a chuckle._

  
_I look over to see a woman with long cascading hair that went down her back and a large bruise on her arm with stitches on her forehead but still seemed to be the most beautiful women in the room. She was wearing a long maroon dress that hugged all her curves._

  
_“That out of place huh?” I asked chuckling. Not wanting her to see how her presence affecting me._

  
_“Hey I’m just glad that I am not the only one who feels miserable at these kind of things. I’m Y/N by the way.” She smiled and stuck her hand out for me to shake wincing a bit_  
_“Steve Rogers. Nice to meet you. Take it you work for S.H.I.E.L.D.” I said shaking her hand and nodding towards the stitches._

  
_Her smile widened. “That obvious? Here I thought I was looking gorgeous. So what’s a guy like you doing in a place like this?” She says motioning around at the gala that S.H.E.I.L.D was putting on to raise money for reconstructing New York._

  
_I laughed. “You do look gorgeous.” I said looking her up and down out of the corner of my eye. A woman like that does not go for men like me even for a night. “Part of the job. What’s the most beautiful girl doing over here hiding?” I said regretting it instantly. Why could I not be smooth like Stark?_

  
_She smiled and giggled a little “I wanted to come over here and see how sexy Steve Rogers looks in person and not just on TV, and I got to say I’m impressed.”_  
_Before I could say anything else her phone rang._

  
_I chuckled sadly, most women wanted me for either my looks or who they perceived me to be._

 

_“I meant that you just seem to be above all this showboating and I respect that and also the fact you are by far the sexiest man I have met.”_

  
_I shook my head. ”Probably wouldn’t say that if I was still me.”_

  
_She smiled. “Actually I would I have seen pictures but to be honest the sexiest part of you is your eyes.”_

  
_“Thanks…”_

  
_She lets out a throaty laugh, “I’m serious but on another note how’s the 21st century treating you?”_

  
_This woman seemed to be made of surprises. “Have not decided yet.”_

  
_She looks down dejectedly as her phone rings, “Too bad duty calls.” She leaned over and placed a kiss on my cheek. “To be honest Captain I think you are a lot better than Stark and all the other men in this room on so many different levels.”_

  
I shook my head and forced myself back to the now staring at the bed. Just to imagine what I would be like to be with her even when I misjudged her character much like people due when they think all there is to me is Captain America. I shook my head too much was between us now to think of the things that could have been. I walked back to the living room where she was staring out the window on the phone. Still as gorgeous as the first day we meet.

  
“Hey….”She laughed at whatever the other person said. “That’s cute I’ll be sure to tell your girlfriend you said that to me but no I need a favor could I by chance have one of your amazing laptops.” She smiled and laughed again. ”Yeah you are not getting a lap dance no, great see you in twenty minutes.” She laughed and hung up the phone shaking her head. “We need to make a pit stop on our way to the my contact.”

  
I nod at her she seemed to enjoy the second phone call a little too much. I took a deep breath I did not understand where my jealousy came from. She was different, maybe that was why I had such a hard time with her. “Okay where to?”

  
Her face changed from joking to serious, “Everything okay?”

  
“Yeah just thinking about some old memories. I’m fine though. Where are we heading?”

  
She looked like she wanted to say something else. “We are going to the Avengers tower. I will be right back I need to go get something more appropriate on.” She said motioning to her shorts and brushing past me.

  
I tried not to breath in her scent. There was always something that physically drew me to her. It was different than when it was with Peggy, different even from Sharon. I never could put a finger on why it was so different though.

  
I shook my head trying to get rid of the thought of her in the next room changing. Come on Rogers get a hold of yourself. I started to pick up all the files and place them back into the backpack to take back to the tower with us.

“Ready?” She asked from the door way.

I smiled as I see her in military boots, jeans and a brown leather jacket similar to mine. “Yeah.” I said zipping the bag and sliding my coat on.  
“You sure your okay?” She asked placing a hand on my arm in concern.

  
I smiled tightly still trying to shake my thoughts. “Yeah let’s go.” I said slipping on the backpack and heading for the door.  
Walking down the stairs in silence neither one of us acknowledge the awkwardness. I unlocked the car.

“okay I was going to let it go but we have an agreement Rogers, no lies. I get off the phone and you are acting all weird. What’s up? “Y’N stands crossing her arms staring at me for an explanation.

 

“Y/N….”

  
“Seriously Rogers….”

  
“Nothing is up I was just thinking about how we met. Do you remember?” I questioned.

  
I watched as she smiled. “Ah…the gala that was before you hated me.”

  
I rolled my eyes. “I never hated you.”

  
She gave me a pointed look as if to say bullshit. “Uh-huh…”

  
“Look that’s not the point the point is that I meant what I said. Now can you get in the car.”

  
She gave me a weird look. “Fine” She opens the car and sits down. “But only because we can finish this conversation on the way.”  
I closed my eyes and looked up at the sky. Someone give me strength. I sighed and got into the car.

  
She seemed to let it go most of our trip but I could see the wheels still turning in her mind. She was like a dog with a bone.  
“When we met at that gala, I told you that you were-“

  
She smiled “I was the most beautiful girl and why couldn’t you be smooth like Stark.” She says howling out a laugh.  
I felt my shoulders slump. Of course she would remember the part I had not meant to say aloud.

  
I looked over at her in the corner of my eye. The gala had not been the only night that I had wanted her and it sure as hell was not going to be the last.  
We sat in silence as her laugh wore off until we arrived in the towers underground parking. I unbuckled and got out of the car just needed a moment to clear my head.

“Steve…” She says as the door shuts behind her. “To be honest Steve you are a hundred times smoother than Stark because you have class and are sincere. Stark, well he just says what he thinks will get him into your pants.”

  
I watch as she brushes past me to the elevator. I hide my smile. Guess that’s good to know for future references.

  
“Do you even know where you are going?” I asked as I entered the elevator and looked.

  
“Not a clue, which is why I brought you with me. We have to stop to pick up a package in the lobby first.”

  
I nod and reached in front of her and pressed the lobby button.  
“So why are we here exactly?”

  
“Stark agreed to let me use one of his toys.” She shrugged.

  
I nod as the doors to the lobby open.

  
“hold the door Rogers, be right back!” she yelled over her shoulder as she jogged to the desk.

  
I couldn’t help but admire her, the way she handled herself. The way her jeans molded around her ass. “Get a hold of yourself Rogers.”

  
“Captain is their something I can assist you with?” Asked JARVIS

 

“No thank you JARVIS.”

  
Y/N looked at me weird as she returned with a small manila package.

  
“The AI system Tony has.”

  
She nods as if it is a normal thing. “Level 23.”

  
“With pleasure ma’am.” Jarvis said.

  
“Thanks…” She asked warily.

  
I shake my head begging her not to ask.

  
As the doors open to the floor we both here Jarvis again. “Mr. Stark has arranged for everything to be set up."

  
We walk out of the elevator and are welcomed with two giant glass tv monitors and a large glass table that has a screen on it. In the last couple of years living here I had never seen this floor. Actually, I had rarely been on any other floors other than the common floors and the floor my apartment was on.

Y/N pulls out a thumbdrive and puts it on top of the glass tech table that lights up like a computer.

  
“Okay, not going to lie this is amazing, it’s to bad Stark did not invent this stuff for S.H.I.E.LD.”

  
“So what exactly are we doing?”

  
“The program is going to sort through every piece of data on the Internet and put together like a…map of sorts on where Bucky has been.”

  
“Right…” I say.

  
“It should take few hours and we should have all the information.” She says as a timeline map appears on the screen and different pictures began sorting themselves.

“Why don’t we grab some food while we wait?” I just nodding towards the elevator.

“Sure, why we do that it’s your turn to spill the beans Steve.”

“What does that mean exactly?” I questioned warily.

“Your turn to tell me about you. The Steve you keep hidden from pretty much everyone, maybe expect Sam.”  
I eyed her warily.

  
“Come on we will each answer some questions, it’’ll help with morale or whatever.”

I laughed, “Sounds like a deal but what are we eating?”

She smiled “Breakfast for dinner. I’ll cook.”

“You can cook?”  
“Now I am offended!” She laughed as she pressed the up button. “I can, I choose not to.”

“Alright, Tony stocks the fridge on everyone’s floors. You cook I’ll answer.” I say. I wanted to see more the women I was getting glimpses of and a lot more of the woman that I saw for the first time at the at gala.

“You do dishes I’ll answer your questions.”

“Sounds like you have a deal Y/N.” I say pressing my floor on the elevator. Maybe answering all these questions would help us in our search for Bucky.

Y/N POV  
I let Steve lead the way into his apartment so I could take a look around. It seemed sparce like he just had stuff there to keep space. The couch seemed more like something Tony would pick out for looks rather than comfort. Everything about the place screamed Tony hired a decorated rather than Steve put it.

“Wow , this place…” I said walking further in.

Steve scratched the back of his neck as he looked over his shoulder at me. “It’s… not really me.”

  
“Are you sure you live here” I asked looking around it looked like no one had ever been here like a designed just came to set it up and left.

  
Steve laughed. “That obvious huh?”

  
“Have you ever sat on the couch?” I said nodding towards the couch.

  
“It’s not really that comfortable.”

  
I laughed as we approached the kitchen. “Good to know that now rather than later. Now, better questions do you know where anything is in the kitchen? Like where the pans are?” I asked walking inside of the kitchen. It was beautiful marble dark blue counter tops, kitchen island in the middle with giant deep sink. It was a little much.

  
“Yeah by the stoves has the pans.” He said taking a seat at the island between the dining room the and kitchen.

  
“Perfect, now just for the ingredients.” I walked to the fridge and found eggs chocolate chips, flour milk. “How about chocolate chip pancakes?”

  
“I haven’t had that in a long time.”

  
“Me either. So first question, what does Steve Rogers do for fun?” I asked as a opened a couple of doors until I found a mixing bowl and grabbed a spoon to mix it with.  
He looked at me like I had grown to heads.

  
“Oh come on Rogers, that is such an easy question to answer.”

  
“To be honest I don’t really know.”

  
I gave him the ‘you have to be kidding me look’. “So outside of the Avengers and Avenger parties you don’t have a life? Not going to lie that is kind of pathetic.” I say as I turn on the stove.

“It’s true I- I just don’t know what I want.”

“Then let me rephrase, what is something you want to do? Please, don’t say find Bucky because that doesn’t count.”

He smiled sadly. “I’d like to go to a sports game or something. Or go to a play.”

  
“Then you will. “ I said knowing that if this new friendship was going to work it would help to make him feel more apart of the world as just Steve.

  
“What’s the next question?” He asked.

I laughed as I added the batter to the now hot pan. “When’s the last time you did something just for yourself?” I asked. I knew my questions made no sense to him but to me it was easier to find out about Steve, without asking about him as Captain America.

“Going after Bucky.”

I rolled my eyes. “Come on Rogers, I mean selfishly one hundred percent just for you. “

“Then probably enlisting.” He said unsure. It was as if he had no idea when the last time he was selfish which is admirable and heart breaking at the same time

I flipped the pancake and shook my head. “That may be for your conscious Steve but not for you. Bucky you are doing that because he is your friend, as am I. You do the moral thing, that’s who you are . But if you don’t take what you want out of this world you are going to miss so much more than you already have.”

He laughs sadly. “What about you?”

  
I grabbed plate from the cabinet and put the freshly done pancake on it and set it in front of him. “ Nice try not my turn. Do you want syrup?”

“Fair enough, I can grab the syrup.” He said standing and brushing past me as I put another pancake down on the pan. “What’s your next question?”

“If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?” I asked laughing a little because I knew my question was throwing him off.

Chuckling he sat back down. “I don’t think I understand you at all but to answer your question I would love to be in Brooklyn but unfortunately it’s a lot of money. Sounds weird but this…it’s just not home.”

  
“I can see that.” I flipped the pancake. “It makes sense I wish I could do the same as well."

  
“By the way these are great, perfectly fluffy and round not to mention huge.”

I laughed “My mom always made them like this when I was a kid. I thought it was amazing because it was as big as my face, but really she did it because she only had to make three huge ones instead of a lot of regular sized pancakes.”

Steve chuckled , “Your mom sounds like she was great.”

I smiled as I plated my pancake. “She was a great mom and great agent.” I walked to the fridge put the left over ingredients back and grabbed a glass to pour milk in. “You want some?” I asked gesturing towards the milk.

Steve nods yes, “What’s your next questions?”

“Last question…Why is your suit so tight?” I asked, more for my amusement than anything.”

Steve choked on his pancake holding back a laugh. “I- don’t know how to answer that.”

  
I laughed. “I mean come on Steve like how do you move in that thing?”

 

He smiled shaking his head. “I don’t know Stark has been making them for me and sometimes they are a little tight in certain areas.”

  
“Areas plural?

  
He shook his head “That is all I am giving you. Now, come on ask another question.”

  
“Why did you join S.H.I.E.L.D?” I asked on a more serious note.

  
“Because I still believed in what the founders did protecting the freedom of others fighting the moral fight , but as you can see time changed the original formation of S.H.I.E.L.D. Now, I believe it is your turn to answer some questions.”

“Open book ask what you want.” I say between eating bites of my pancake.

“What made you join S.H.I.E.L.D?” He asked studying me.

I sighed taking a moment to think. It was such a complicated question to answer.


End file.
